How to bring a dead relationship back to life

04 February 2009

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So is your relatinship going a little stale? Is the magic starting to fade? The Mind Gym have put together a set odf tips that may just bring the romance back.

1. Forgive even if you can’t forget it is better to be happy than right. This is easier than you think so long as you as you feel acknowledged and respected through the agreement of conditions and ‘alarm calls’ to prevent future lapses.

2. Say sorry (often) and mean it. Remember if your partner is upset or hurt that matters even if the same thing wouldn’t have upset you.

3. Feel their pain at least once a day pause to think how the other person might be feeling with all that’s going on in their life.

4. Build connection. Make and welcome the many tiny overtures the offer of tea, the request for more duvet, the reference to what’s for dinner - which make up your day-to-day lives together. The devil is in the detail and your risk of divorce can be predicted from the way you interact over the mundane details.

5. See the best in the other person a yawn means they’re tired, not bored; their bad joke was an attempt to be funny, not to put you down. Not only will this remove conflict but as people are drawn to optimism it will make you more attractive.

6. Lavish praise. Communicate the positive things you feel. 5:1 is the magic minimum. If you really can’t think of anything because the rot has set in, lavish praise on the things they used to do. 'I loved it when you used to.. Wasn’t it great when..'

7. Show you care even when you are not there record Eastenders when she is late home, bring back his favourite wine. It only costs a thought not an arm and a leg.

8. Trigger positive feelings: reminisce about the good old times; hunt out pics from past holidays; talk about how you met.

9. Re-build trust in the relationship: work together on a project that you’ll both enjoy. Plan a holiday, plant the garden, repaint the bedroom.

10. Open the dialogue: as the atmosphere improves, talk about what you want the relationship to be like and what you can each do to help it get there.

The perfect way to kick start your relationships, The Mind Gym: Relationships is a step by step guide to improving the relationships in your life.

Whether it’s a difficult parent, a moody child, an imperious colleague or a cheating lover; learn how to get what you want - when you want it. Through entertaining examples, quizzes, practical tools and psychological techniques, The Mind Gym: Relationships will equip you with solutions to even the trickiest financial or relationship problems.

Octavius Black is the co-author of The Mind Gym: relationships (£12.99, Little Brown)

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