This week I met up with a guy I saw a few weeks ago, but we had kept in constant daily contact, knowing it would just be a matter of time before we could arrange the logistics and meet again.
Sex on Female First
On the morning of my second date with Karl, I left home with the TV remote in my handbag instead of my mobile phone, tripped up the stairs in a shop and realised halfway through my morning that the sizeable hole in my stockings was now as big as Peaches Geldof's mouth. I'd also woken up face down in my pillow with a crease running from forehead to cheek, which was still there at midday. All of which did nothing to ease my anxiety about the evening ahead. It was totally out of character - not the tripping up stairs, I do that at least once a week - but the pre-date anxiety. I've been on hundreds of dates. So why was this one bothering me?
A month previously, I'd spent a cosy night in a bar, laughing and flirting with Karl the engineer, a guy I simply had to meet as soon as he had contacted me on illicitencounters.com. As dates go, it was a success. I've always found first dates to be a breeze - much to the horror of my best friend, who usually asks 'Aren't you nervous?' But why would I be? First dates are a blank canvas and, at this stage I'm the one with the proverbial paint brush. All I have to do is turn up and decide, usually within the first five minutes, whether I, a) fancy him, b) think he's lover or friend material or c) prepare my sister to call with an 'emergency' to get me out of there.
But second dates are a different story. They are loaded with expectation and then come the butterflies in the tummy. We've decided we like each other enough to meet again. But what if the first date was just a fluke? What if I only think I fancied him because he wasn't grotesque? What if I notice something I didn't before, like an irritating laugh, bad shoes or a dodgy piece of man-jewellery? Then there's the fact that I'm putting my self-esteem on the line. If a guy doesn't call after one date it's fine because there are hundreds of reasons why. But if you've met twice, bared your soul, revealed more of the real you and then he doesn't call? Ouch - that's going to hurt. The problem with date two is that one false move from either of you and it's game over.
Call me picky/over-sensitive/greedy, but the tiniest things can put me off a man on a follow-up date:
- An elaborate plan – One single guy, Robert, took me over 100 miles from home on an early date to Alton Towers, inviting his best friend along for a double date. Too much, too soon, when I didn't even know his surname.
- A randy late night text - This tells me he's more a player and chancer than a potential man friend. And also, I'm not the only mistress in his life.
- A one way conversation - Two hours into the date and I've learnt who his four best friends are, how much he earns, why he's there with me, what is wrong with his relationship and his inside leg measurement - while he's struggling to even remember my name.
- A small but irritating niggle - A necklace made of seashells, irrelevant anecdotes, bad kissing, shameless name-dropping, bad manners, poor personal hygiene, ex mistress talk and being a mummy's boy. All deal breakers.
Thankfully, date two with him didn't involve an intricate plan, dodgy man-jewellery or a wink, nod and a 'fancy checking out my bed sheets?' What it did involve was very little effort, much laughter, a dimly lit bar and Karl interrupting me mid-conversation with a long, slow kiss. Completely unexpected, utterly cheesy but 100% sexy. It might have been to shut me up but he did a brilliant job of pretending it was because he thought I was lovely. And unbeknown to him, he clinched a third date in that single moment. You see, while it’s the little things that can destroy a second date, they can also seal the deal. Let's hope we can get the logistics right sooner next time.
Karen uses leading married persons dating website, IllicitEncounters.com
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