I rave about the benefits of being a serial mistress. It's exciting, adventurous and never a dull moment. But this week I learnt, the hard way, how difficult it can be.
Sex on Female First
I hadn't heard from one of my lovers for several weeks. Normally he would be incredibly attentive; phone calls, texts and emails on a daily basis, so the silence was out of character. I assumed work had been busy during the summer holidays, or even the option of maybe, possibly, the wife having discovered his affair (always a reason for a deafening silence). Curiosity got the better of me so I Googled his name, and looked around the internet to see if there was anything about the new deal he was working on, or his business being in trouble. His name appeared, but not in the way I had hoped. On several news pages, I found he'd been in a serious car accident, had needed to be airlifted from the scene, and was still in a critical condition in hospital.
Obviously I'm unable to enquire about his progress at the hospital (unless I lie about being a relative), I can't visit him in hospital and if, god forbid, he dies from his injuries (if he hasn't already), I would never know. The mistress is always the last to know anything, and certainly isn't welcome to ask. I just pray he deleted our texts and emails as he went along. I guess it serves as a warning, to anyone having an affair, to tidy up any loose ends because you never know what's around the corner, in his case it was a tractor!
He had a separate mobile phone specifically for his illicit encounters, and a private email address no one knew about. Whether he had cleared the internet history on his laptop is a different matter. But I can't imagine anything worse than a wife discovering a man's infidelity after his death or, in this case, serious injury. This all happened with absolutely no warning, just 10 miles from his home, on his way back from work. It could happen to any of us.
In addition to this devastating news, I discovered in May, a man I was seeing 18 months ago, someone I was incredibly fond of, a man I was supposed to be meeting again but logistics got in our way, had been given less than three months to live. He had cancer - a fast progressing, beyond-treatment cancer – and it was going to take him from his family, very soon. Apparently he'd been told in March, so by the time he had emailed me, he potentially has less than a month to live.
He managed to warn me, in his preparations, and sent me a message to say goodbye. I couldn't call him or check on his health but I guess he got to say his piece and tidy up any loose ends before he passed. At least he had a warning it was coming, but it doesn't make it any easier for me knowing the end was near, not knowing exactly when. I won't hear about it, it probably won't be anywhere on the internet, and he will have deleted every trace of me.
As much as I adore living my life the way I do, it is quite difficult knowing men will come and go, but also men will pass away. We get to a certain age where we question our own mortality, and that of the ones we love. We realise we will need to say goodbye at some point but it's not much fun when you don't get the chance to even do that. Middle-aged men, recapturing their youth by having an affair gives the impression of being full of life and here to stay, but sooner or later they will be gone, in one way or another.
Recent events have made me question the chance that a couple of the men in my life who, suddenly, 'dropped off the planet' could well have done that, literally. I have blamed ignorance, bad manners, a busy workload, home demands and good old fashioned, 'He's not that into me', when in fact it could have been something far more sinister, worrying or sad. I don't want to be maudlin but it is the reality we have to face as a mistress. As I've always advocated, it's not for everyone, and noted that with the incredible highs also come the devastating lows.
Karen uses leading married persons dating website IllicitEncounters.com
tagged in Real Life Story Affair Mistress