I joined IllicitEncounters.com many years ago simply because I wanted to know exactly what I was getting in to. I didn't necessarily choose to date married men before then but I inevitably did so. For the years following my divorce I felt I wanted to be back in a relationship, I now feel very different of course. But at the time I joined a couple of 'singles' dating sites, only to find the majority of men were in fact lying about their marital status. One or two became very close, and talked of a future with me, until I discovered they already had that future with someone they weren't happy with. I had assumed 'single' on a dating site meant that.

So, following a while on my own, and realising I actually preferred the single life, I decided to join a site where I would know exactly how firm the goal posts were. A married dating website was a very new thing then, and quite scandalous, but it seemed all the great married men were on there already, waiting patiently for someone understanding to come along, who would make no demands on them or their families. 

It seemed the perfect solution, and it also stopped me having to look for the signs that scream 'he's married' when he's clearly claiming he's single.  So I thought I would share those signs with you, the words of an experienced Mistress.  Maybe you're dating a 'single' guy right now, and some of these points seem familiar. I hope you're not, I really hope you're dating a fabulous man and you have no doubt in your head, but I do believe all women should be aware that some guys haven't figured out married dating sites are the place for them. 

Is there no picture on his profile?

Internet dating is incredibly popular these days, and you never know who's going to come across your profile.  The married ones usually have the excuse 'I have no picture due to my work' – short of being famous I can't imagine which job would prevent you putting your picture on a dating site. However, if you were married or in a relationship you wouldn't risk putting your picture on your profile, would you?

Does he end conversations abruptly?

Did his internet connection really go down, or did his wife just walk into the room? Modern internet connections are pretty stable. I work on the internet, and my connection seems to work fine 24/7.  Can his be so bad? 

I joined IllicitEncounters.com many years ago - It seemed the perfect solution, and it also stopped me having to look for the signs that scream 'he's married' when he's clearly claiming he's single."

Is he tight-lipped about his life?

If your potential new man is reluctant to share details about his life, it could be more than just natural shyness. Does he hold back on telling you what he's been up to? Is he secretive about his job or exactly where he lives? Alarm bells should be ringing at this point.  Being private in the first few dates is normal, but shouldn't you know who you've been dating for weeks/months? 

Do you catch him fibbing?

A man who tells little lies is quite likely to be telling big ones too. Try to send a lot of emails before you meet, so that you can weed out any inconsistencies. If you know he wasn't at the pub watching the football last night, you've got to wonder if that "single" status is also a porkie.

Does he always set the schedule?

If he's always the one to arrange the time and place of your next date, then it may not just be because he's busy or a control freak. He may only be able to see you at certain times or dates because they are the only times that he is able to slink away from the wife/girlfriend.

Do you only get a mobile number?

Will he only give you a mobile phone number to contact him? Perhaps saying that he "doesn't have a landline"? You might be right to smell a rat. The same goes if he'll only give you a webmail address, rather than his work or personal email. It all makes it easy for him to disappear when he sees fit.

Is he a fast mover?

Married men don't have a lot of time off the leash, so if he wants to meet you quickly, and then if he's pushing to get intimate faster than usual you should consider the possibility that he's trying to get the most bang for his buck (so to speak) out of his free time.

Does he always want to go to yours?

If you never get an invitation to his place, with a lame excuse about living with his parents or his house 'being a tip' then your sixth sense is probably right to be tingling.

Is he hard to get hold of?

Does he fail to answer her phone and then doesn't return your call for hours? Does he disappear for days (or weeks) on end? If so it doesn't automatically mean he's in a relationship, he could just be slack - but he could also be juggling several potential partners.

Is he too good to be true?

I shouldn't have to tell you this, but if things seem too good to be true then they usually are. If the photo on his profile is amazingly good looking, he claims to be very wealthy and wants to marry you after just three emails it's time to get suspicious. Chances are he's saying what he thinks you need to hear, to get where he wants.

Does he mention money problems?

If you've established a comfortable online relationship and he suddenly reveals a problem that a comparatively small amount of money could solve – perhaps even travelling to see you – then it's time to get that bargepole out, and not touch him with it!  He's probably reluctant to withdraw any unexplained money from the joint account, therefore avoiding detection. 

I truly hope whomever you're with is being honest with you, but it's better to be armed with some expert advice, just in case.

 

Karen uses leading married persons dating website IllicitEncounters.com

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