‘Divorce Angel’ and Coach Adele Theron explains why some people find it so difficult to move on and how you can leave your bad relationship where it belongs, in the past!
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Tip 1: Decide to make a change
When you are trying to get over your ex, the very worst thing you can do is nothing. Healing doesn’t simply happen over time. Healing is an active process, and processing all the feelings and emotions associated with your divorce or break up is essential to getting over it.
Do you find yourself saying things like , “I’m absolutely fine and glad to be rid of my ex”, “I feel fine”, “I feel perfectly happy with my life”, “I am over that b****rd”, “I never think of him” or, “no, I am not dating and I am better off on my own.”
All these responses are signs of complacency and resignation, not moving on, so recognise the pattern and make a firm decision to change!
Tip 2: Time is NOT a great healer, YOU are!
The thought of healing quickly feels fake, shallow or unbelievable but time is actually a hindrance to healing. Therapists often like to tell you that it will take you a certain amount of months or even years to get over your trauma. Personally, I’m not sure I agree with this when it comes to relationships.
Time doesn't heal anything, time simply passes. It is what we do with our lives while time is passing that either helps us, heals us, or locks us in the past. Once you decide to take control and stop letting the past dictate your future, you are back in the driving seat to recovery.
Tip 3: Understand the link between your body and your emotions
There is lots of research to suggest that when you bury your emotions over time, it can have a very lasting impact on your health, wellbeing and happiness. It can also lead to premature ageing and illness.
Some of the symptoms of buried emotions include:-
- A feeling of extreme tiredness and general fatigue.
- Losing hours in the day because you are preoccupied with daydreams.
- Spending all day watching television or lying in bed sleeping.
- Losing your lust for life and rarely wanting to talk about how you are feeling or doing.
- Blowing up at the smallest of things – almost flying off the handle for no apparent cause.
- Focusing on keeping busy rather than on feeling things. If you battle to sits till and have to keep busy all the time, consider that you might be repressing your emotions.
- An inability to concentrate for any extended period of time.
- Focusing on your ex and what he’s doing rather than focusing on how you are feeling.
- Tumultuous relationships with those close to you.
Understand that the physical symptoms you are feeling could be linked to the resentment and bitterness you are holding from your break up and find ways to process these feelings so that they no longer affect your mental or physical wellbeing.
Tip 4: Ditch the ‘Divorce Look’!
Resentment and bitterness can literally affect your face as it carves a nasty pointed look. This is often referred to as the divorce look, when someone simply looks and behaves like they are divorced. Some women don’t even know that people can sense their bitterness, but it is written all over them: the battle they did with marriage, and the resultant scars they carry with them. Whenever you mention their ex, a dark cloud covers their face which scrunches up with venom and anger whilst they sweetly say that they are, “fine” (whilst they wish he would burn in hell). These thoughts have an ageing effect too.
Tip 5: Leave your baggage at the door
We all carry some emotional baggage but the question is - will you allow your troubles from the past to affect your current relationships? Not only will it impact your new relationship, but baggage is so unbelievably draining.
87% of people that don’t ‘process’ their divorce go on to repeat the same mistakes in their next relationship. If you are committed to your next relationship working out, you need to purge yourself of all your relationship baggage or make sure you manage it.
Adele Theron is known as the Divorce Angel and is author of The Naked Divorce £14.99, Ecademy Press) which is available on Amazon. For more information visit www.nakedivorce.com
tagged in relationships Divorce