Single's guide to surviving Valentine's Day

04-02-2009 11:00

There are times when being single quite frankly sucks; like when a jar needs opening or something is on a high shelf, the worse of these times being February 14th. For weeks everywhere turns pink and red, hearts and flowers dominate every shop and all those coupled up people suddenly have no other topic of conversation. Well like a 21st Century fairy godmother, we have the best anti-valentines advice to get you through the worst holiday for singletons.

If you happen to be near the great capital of ours it may be worth checking out the Anti-Valentine'd Day Vampire party at Penderels Oak Cellar Bar in High Holborn. Described as the "most unromatic evening" it's perfect for those who don't do V Day. Full of ghouls and spooks, it's guaranteed to get your mind off all that horrible lovey-dovey stuff going on elsewhere.

Events such as this one are going on all over the country, and if there's not one in your area why not amuse yourself by organising one and beoming the saviour for all your local singletons.

Well meaning friends often offer up V day cards to their single friends thinking it's cute. It's not, it mearly emphasises that the cards are coming from no where else and stink of pity. No one wants pity. The internet is littered with satirical anti v-day e-cards, which are much funnier and will remind all your single friends that yes valentine's day is a scam and yes I am glad I'm not part of it.

Oxford Restaurant, the Big Bang are running a competition where the best anti-valentine's day poem gets a free mean for four on the dreaded holiday. Pen your emotions, get freebies! What could be better than tucking into a lushcious meal with 3 of your best friends knowing you don't have to pay a single penny for it.

There are some genius people in the world who have put together amazing collections of anti-love songs for surviving February 14th. The Emo Anti-Valentine's Day Collection: Valentine's Day Massacre and It's a Misery Business are all you need to firstly remind you how much better off you are and secondly drown out the soppy tunes that all the loved up people will be playing over the next few weeks.

Pop to your local card shop, supermarket, hell just go out on the street and watch coupled up people running round like a chicken that's been sepearted from it's head stressing over what to buy? Is this card right? What if they've bought more for me? Will they like this? Then kick back with a glass of wine safe in the knowledge you don't have any of this to worry about and the only person you have to impress is yourself.

If boredom gets the better of you, what better way to amuse yourself that tallying up all the money your poor loved up friends are going to lose on this one day. Present, flowers, cards, meals; it all adds up.
Be sure to text the amount to all your friends during their romantic meals and tell them in detail the shoes you are going to buy yourself with the money you've saved by ignoring this holiday.Then laugh manically like an evil genius who has stumbled upon a flawless plan for world domination.

Femalefirst - Kate Teasdale