Sexually dominant/submissive relationships or SDS is a collection of behaviours involving domination and submissive acts in an emotional and erotic play that involves physical and emotional risks. Because of this, this type of behaviour requires instruction to ensure it is kept in safe boundaries. Celebrity healer, Tayo Hendrix explains that these type of relationships require a commitment at a much deeper level that many "normal" relationships. It is all about trust.
With this in mind, Tayo offers these tips for safety: "Only enter a SDS relationship with people you know well and trust. It may be that you have just met someone over the internet or phone and feel a pull towards them. Do so only when you are sure you feel safe to precede and ensure you meet in a public place. A park or somewhere with people around - never ever your home."
"When practicing SDS for the first time always remember if you are not fit to drive you are not fit to perform SDS it is something that should be given your full understanding and attention to and should never be thought of as a quick kinky session with a stranger."
In other words this is not something to try during a drunken quickie or one night stand.
Tayo continues: "When performing SDS always have empathy. Consider having it done to yourself so you fully understand what your submissive is going through. This way you will appreciate even more what you loved one is doing for you. Always have a safe word that both mistress and submissive agree on at the start of the relationship so you are both aware when the situation needs to be stopped immediately."
"Negotiate and agree before the session what you will be doing, sexual behaviour, and type of bondage, safe sex precautions, physical and emotional limits that will NOT be crossed. There is always next time and it is always good to leave your partner wanting more."
"Check with each other after the session, perhaps later in the day or the following day to ensure that both found it stimulating or discuss what if anything you liked or disliked.
"During the role play itself, the dominant should always check in with the submissive to ensure that they are comfortable and happy to continue. The role of submissive can often leave them not wanting to use the safe word you had previously agreed on for fear of upsetting their master/mistress. A good practice would be to firmly squeeze your slaves hand twice and wait for two firm squeezes back as confirmation that all is ok.
"Always start session lightly and build slowly. Build slowly towards peeking and you will avoid future emotional problems.
"The slave can use the "one to ten" technique to indicate they are ready for whipping or the intensity of stroke. Remember: strokes from whips (Sportsheets Feather Starburst Crop Top Whip), paddles (Bondage Boutique Studded Leather Paddle) and the intensity. "One" light as a feather to "ten" pull strength stroke. Strokes should be delivered ONLY to fleshy, muscled body areas. It is very dangerous to strike your partner over their kidneys, liver, spleen or base of spine.
"Use only soft, plain paraffin candles for hot was play, harder candles, such as beeswax candles have a much higher melting point and they WILL cause burning to the individual.
"Never allow someone to use bondage on you without doing at least three or four sessions without blindfolds. You must build trust before trying to move things forward too quickly. If you get it right it will be wonderful but if you get it wrong it could be a disaster. So always ensure you know and trust your partner.
"When you do get to the bondage stage it is imperative to remember, there is no reason to tie the bondage so tight the area goes to sleep. If this happens loosen the bondage. General rule is ensuring that the bondage is not too tight and it is possible to undo the bondage with sixty seconds. The bondage is to create fun not fear always remember that.
"Finally, Be prepared for emergencies - first aid kits, fire extinguishers (for those who play with fire), flashlights, and ensure that you know CPR prior to using any form of "breath controlling" games."
Spirituality is thriving just now and with the recession and credit crunch it is not surprising. People are looking more and more to staying home and creating things for them to do so sexual behaviour is becoming more and more a form of creative activity at last. Part of that creativity is SDS as some people may call it, tantric sex as others may gravitate towards or a mixture of the two. To be really open with your partner about what you want to happen to you or what you want to do to them is the most erotic or sexual thing you can do for one another.
Enjoy yourself and keep yourself safe whilst ensuring that you are growing through self discovery and understanding.