Top Five Relationship Resolutions

04 January 2010

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The beginning of a new year often marks a turning point for many fed-up singletons.

After spending yet another Christmas with the family and having kissed only your granddad under the mistletoe, January is often the time of year many people decide a relationship is what they need.

Dr Gian Gonzaga, senior scientist for relationships website, eHarmony, said: "This is a common feeling that many people have between Christmas and New Year. After spending a significant amount of time back in the family hub, it’s not surprising that so many people make a decision to address their love lives.

"Christmas can be quite a reflective time. Many people come to realise that they want to have someone to share their life with."

Here Dr Gonzaga shares his five relationship resolutions for 2010:

This year is about me

Before entering into a relationship, it is essential that you have love for yourself. Having a lack of self-worth will mean that you enter your relationship seeking recognition and acceptance, which can add a lot of pressure to a new and fragile dynamic. If you have love and respect for yourself, not only will you feel good about yourself, but you'll also be more attractive to potential partners. 

This year I will learn from my past

It is possible to learn a lot from analysing your past relationships. For many people, after a good hard look, it may become evident that you have repeatedly made the same mistakes.

If you consistently end up with a person who is emotionally unavailable, or someone who fails to show you respect, then it could be an issue you yourself need to explore. Or if you keep choosing someone who's needy and lacks a sense of self belief, then spend some time thinking about why this could be.

Ask yourself what worked and what didn't work in your previous relationships and the reasons for each. Look back and determine in which relationship you felt your best and what it was about that person that brought out the best in you.

This year I will put my past behind me

Emotional baggage is a collection of unpleasant memories from the past that continue to negatively affect our perception of the world and alter our behaviour. Sometimes a new relationship is the last thing that can help solve all your problems and it can be more important to deal with your baggage first. Address long-standing issues and start your new relationship with a fresh outlook.

This year I will be more open-minded

Many single people think that having a rigid check-list for the partner of your dreams can help you find ‘the one.’ However, such a list can actually keep you from seeing who is right in front of you. Go on a date with someone you wouldn't usually consider dating and you may be surprised at how much you have in common.

This year I will be proactive

Put a little effort in to finding the right person. Unlike fairy tales, love will not just happen. Take control of your love life and think of how you can meet new people. Get active and do something different.

For example take up a new hobby, join a club or look at ways in which you can get out and meet new people. Not only can it be fun, but practicing your social skills can make you a more sociable, confident individual, which will more than likely make your more attractive. Or maybe join a dating site, you never know who you might meet."

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