Would you take one?
We all remember that episode of Friends where Rachel suggests that she and Ross take a break when they are going through a rough patch. But I wonder if it is actually a good idea. When asking around people are unclear of what taking a break means.
Can you date other people? Sleep with other people? Do you live your life like you are single again? Or do you live it as if you were working away for a few months and still keep in touch?
Rachel clearly thought that taking a break didn’t mean for Ross to sleep with someone else, but he did. Although I am taking an example from a TV show, the questions still remain. Here are 10 reasons why we think that it is probably not a good idea!
- 1. Take a break/ break up
Taking a break almost sounds like breaking up and in a way it is. It is a break up with a time limit attached to it. Most breaks end up in break ups as it stands so why not just get it over with and move on? People are scared of the time between relationships. The word ‘single’ has such negative connotations. Some like to have the guarantee of getting back with their partner so they have a person in their life. If they have taken a break and not found another prospective partner they will still be attached to someone. It’s better than no one right?! If you need a break its already broken!
- 2. Can I date other people?
You can’t simply expect to be able to see other people and it to be ok with your partner. Dating means that you are on the hunt for someone better. And if you are in a bad spell with your partner then there will be lots of people out there who are better in that moment. Dating is for single people!
- 3. Can I sleep with other people?
If you are taking time out to revaluate your relationship sex will complicate everything. If your sex life has been stale for a while you will be drawn to someone who sets your world on fire, but who is to say that after the novelty has worn off that you wont regret it? If you do get back together there will always be the memory of being with another man or the thought of him being with another woman. Even if you have both agreed to it before the break or you try to forget about it afterwards, it still feels like cheating.
- 4. Should we keep in contact?
If you text and call each other then nothing has really changed. Constant contact is the sign of a good relationship and if you are only doing it to check up how the other is getting on in their break or to get a sense of how much you are missing each other then its false contact, a false positive. Your motivations are not for the better of your partnership, they are to compare notes and if you have been together for a while, if you are having some time apart you will miss each other anyway.
- 5. How long should we take a break for?
Break lengths are down to the couple but after a break up there is always a period of readjustment to find yourself again. Until a good amount of time has passed you can’t really know if you are suffering from actually missing the other person, or just miss being in a relationship. If you break for too long then you will learn to live singly again and all of the problems that were there when you first moved in together will resurface and you have taken a step back not forward.
- 6. Running away
Taking break is essentially ignoring a burning issue in your relationship. Unless you put in the time and figure it out, then it is not going to get better by both turning your backs on it.
- 7. Happy together not apart
A good relationship means that you are happy when you are together, yes, you need your space, but on the whole you can make each other laugh and push each other’s buttons in a good way! If you are happier when you are away from your partner then it’s time to move on!
- 8. Evolve
Relationships evolve with every moment when you are together. You might think you know your partner really well, but often something comes along that surprises you and tests you a little. By getting through these hurdles along the way no matter how small they might be, make your stronger. To miss out on all of those drives you further apart not closer.
- 9. Different places
One person might think it’s a great idea but the other not so much. If one is into it more than the other then they might go along with things that they are not happy with and end up getting seriously hurt. When you are vulnerable and desperate in your relationship, you will try anything to get it back on track. What seems like a good idea in theory might seem like a disaster in practice.
- 10. Time apart all the time
Couples get their space, throughout the day, at work, at the gym, on nights out with their friends. If they want more, they can book weekends away or spend longer doing things without their partner. It doesn’t have to be a big announcement. One that has to be defined to all of their friends and family. It can be subtle. Taking a break is dramatic and tells the world that you are not faring well as a couple. It attracts attention and receives input whether it is wanted or not. People will start being honest in their opinions of your partner and cloud your judgement.
Tess said:
‘One person will always want it more than the other, which can lead to one being more hurt than the other, if they don’t want to have a break.’
Rach said:
‘My parents had a break before they got married and they have never looked back. They are one of the strongest couples I know. If you take break and agree not to date anyone else, just to refrain from keeping contact I think that would work.’
Harriet said:
‘If you agree to sleep with other people then if you do get back together, it will get brought up in every subsequent argument, it’s just too complicated!’