Beaverbrooks has come up with the top 20 attributes to the perfect partner- we take a look and see if we agree and of course make them rude because that's what we do here!
Looks at those jeans!
He must have a good sense of humour- Like that time he came in your eye- it was a blast- you laughed for days.
He asks how your day was and listens- He's perfected how to fool you- he actually replays the last porn video he watched in his head while you're talking.
He knows when to be romantic- When to kiss and cuddle you and when it's ok to give you a pearl necklace.
He diffuses your stresses- He can anger bang any bad day stress out of you like a shot.
He looks good in a suit-Because you like to fantasize about sleeping with James Bond.
He surprises you- You wake up and there he is- between your legs.
He brings a cup of tea in bed - Because you need to replenish your fluids every time you bump uglies with him.
He supports your goals- He's more than willing to participate in your bonking bucket list.
He stands up for you-Every time you sext him, get naked or talk dirty.
He's not afraid of spiders- He can catch it and kill it or dispose of it before you can say Arachnophobia.
He regularly compliments you- He gets a boner when you're getting changed.
He notices when you've had your haircut- You're a pro with those trimmers after many years of pubic maintenance.
He can put together IKEA furniture- So you can Christen it before you use it for what it's actually designed for.
He sets a good impression on your parents- He's a prince outside of the bedroom and a total man whore in private.
He dresses well- Those ass hugging jeans were a good choice.
He fastens your jewellery for you- Well he should- he took it off in the first place top stop it from getting wedged in a *sensitive* area.
He prefers you without make-up on- You sweat so much during coitus even the most waterproof of slap's not going to cut it so it works out well.
He willingly watches rom-coms- You *ahem* shake on it beforehand.
He's athletic- A hearty sex session followed by a tea run requires stamina.
He can dance like Channing Tatum- Although the dancing really doesn't matter- you just like to see him dance around in a thong and get him to waggle his leather cladded willy in your face.