The Good Chatter Guide by Jo Hemmings: How to have better conversations with your partner

4 February 2016

A new report into nation's home habits has revealed the impact of 'digital chatter' (texts, Whatsapp, Snapchat) on our face to face relationships:

Relationships on Female First

The key findings included:

One in three people admit to texting someone in the next room at least once a day
Women are twice as likely as men to send a Facebook message or tweet people they live with at least once a day, and three times as likely to Snapchat them
16% of women check their phones every 10-15 minutes

Psychologist and relationship expert Jo Hemmings in response to this has come up with some advice on how to control digital chatter and have quality conversations at home.

The Good Chatter Guide - by Jo Hemmings

Here's my good chatter guide: how to keep having proper conversations at home and manage the impact of digital conversations on your downtime

Maximise your morning - stop checking your phone first thing. Establish a routine that prioritises positive and constructive tasks first, such as wishing your partner or a good morning, enjoying breakfast or doing some exercise. Only after you've done this, should you allow yourself to look at overnight emails and messages. It'll let you have some breathing space and stop you feeling like you're on-call from the second you wake up.
Stay in the present - unless it's something urgent, don't let your digital communication interrupt face-to-face conversations. Think about how you feel when your significant other is clearly more interested in texting than hearing about your day. Be rigorous with yourself- if it means leaving your phone outside the room, then do that. In return, you'll have genuine, valuable conversations in real-time that ultimately count for more than a series of emojis!
Be vocal about your new behaviour. Known for always being online? Tell everyone you're planning on changing and get them to support and encourage you. Often, when one person gets their phone out, it automatically means others do -a Mexican wave of dependency. Small changes such as telling friends and colleagues you won't be accessible from 9pm onwards means you can enjoy quality downtime with loved ones without feeling the need to check your tech.
Get an alarm - if it will stop you bringing your phone into the bedroom. So many people use the alarm as an excuse to keep tapping away under the guise of "just checking". It'll also lessen the chances of looking at your phone in the middle of the night, which exposes you to blue screens and can lead to sleeplessness.
The golden rule - never, ever text your lover in your home. If a door is closed, you're feeling extra comfy on the sofa, or just a little lazy, it can be very tempting to text instead of talk to the person you live with. No excuses- this habit stops now. Face-to-face interaction is proven to have a huge benefit to our sense of belonging and wellbeing, and substituting this for technology can be damaging. Try it and see how you feel- it's amazing how much more value you get out of genuine conversations