How do you cope when you run out of savings?

How do you cope when you run out of savings?

Love Mentor Elizabeth Sullivan gives us her top tips on how to prevent money from driving a wedge between you and your partner. This comes following new stats from the Debt Advisory Centre which have revealed; 1 in 6 adults in relationships in the UK have not disclosed debts to their partner. The amounts owed are generally around the £1,000 mark and often its money owed to friends or family. One in 12 owes a worrying £10,000 that they have neglected to tell their partner about and one in 9 needs to pay back between £5,000 and £10,000.

Ian Williams, spokesman for DAC, says: “Having debt problems is an extremely stressful and isolating experience. Trying to deal with the situation on your own by keeping it secret from your partner will only compound the stress.

“Many people are embarrassed and ashamed to admit their money problems to their partner – but when they do, not only is a weight lifted from their shoulders, but it is easier to start to tackle the problem together.”

Differences in income and outgoings can be challenging to deal with; it can lead to feelings of bitterness and resentment. It raises questions you didn’t have before; do you still split the bills in half, should the higher earner be paying more? Here are six simple tips to keep in mind when arranging your finances:

Talk about what’s happening - If your income is lower than your partner’s you might feel uncomfortable spending money on expensive things such as luxury holidays and fancy meals. You may feel guilty that your partner always has to pay for you and worry about them resenting you for it. It’s therefore important to talk about how you’re both currently spending your money. Make sure you talk about your feelings and begin any conversations in a warm, sensitive way so no one feels uncomfortable. This will help to build a more open relationship.

Think about the past - In order to find the best way of dealing with your finances and your partner, think about how you have dealt with money in the past. How was money dealt with when you were growing up? How have you coped when living in shared houses splitting the cost of bills? Has money been a point of contention in previous relationships you’ve been in? These things could have an affect on the way you manage your money and reflecting on them is a great way to learn from your mistakes. However, it’s important to find what’s right for you and your current partner as they will have their own past influences.

Consider paying unequal shares - One of the biggest sources of resentment can come from a sense of unfairness. If you feel it is unfair that you are paying equal shares when your partner is earning more than you then discuss whether they should pay more towards the mortgage, rent or bills etc. Relationships are all about compromise, it’s important that you both feel you are being treated fairly.

Create a budget and discuss finances regularly - Having an agreed budget is a great way to set the boundaries on your spending; however it’s important that you both agree and are happy with the way the budget is divided. Set aside times to talk over your income, expenses and what to do with the left over money. This is a chance to air any concerns and see if you need to rein in your spending.

Work equal amounts - In order to make sure resentment doesn’t build up try to come up with a system where you’re working equal amounts. If your partner is working longer hours than you, could you contribute extra time to the housework, or vice versa? Try to reach a compromise.

Don’t boast- If you earn more than your partner this may lead to them feeling inadequate. Although it may seem old fashioned, a lot of men still like to feel that they are the provider in a relationship. If your partner is one of these men, try not to boast about how much you earn or mention that you are the higher earner in front of friends and family. This could damage their male pride. Instead, reassure them that they provide for you in lots of other ways and that money isn’t everything. 

 


by for relationships.femalefirst.co.uk
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