'I'm doing great'- I have been Facebook stalking you since our break up to see if you've moved on, burned/ given away all the things you bought me and cried into my pillow every night because I'm still single- but I'm great.

I cut up all our pictures

I cut up all our pictures

'I moved house and got a new job'- There was no promotion but I do the job of someone the next paygrade up from me. I spend so many hours at work; I have no time left for dating. The extra money I'm making from eBay sales is being pis**d away on dating sites I am too tired to browse. I moved but within my old flat because my roommate left and I wanted the bigger bedroom.

I drive a better car- I don't have a new car- I have the one I used to have sex with you in and every time I get in it, it reminds me of you. I'm sure your ass print is still on my rear window.

'My new boyfriend buys me expensive things'- There is no boyfriend and if I had one the most he would buy me is take-out food. But I have to think of a name to make this sound legit and my brain is literally out of all possible name choices.

'I've met someone famous'- Why not? I could be BFFs with someone famous- but now I have to create a back story- I couldn't think of a name a minute ago now I have make up a fake story- great. *Digging deeper*

At this point- just cut your losses and leave- you both know you are talking crap. It's not impressive- it's transparent. Next time just be civil and walk away.


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