Liz Fraser, Modern Family Expert, Care.com
Relationships on Female First
Nothing bonds two people more for life, than the joint product of their loins. And nothing can come between them more, either.
It's fairly obvious, when you think about it. Babies require almost constant care and attention, and the second they are asleep, so are their parents. They also cost all the pennies we would otherwise have spent on a date night.
And even as they get older, children are generally the main focus of their parents' lives, dominating our weekends, evenings, and bank balances.
So it's perhaps no surprise that new data gathered by care.com has found that the amount of alone-time time parents spend together is significantly less than those without children.
Nine out of every ten parents surveyed said the number of date nights they go on has dropped since they had children, and one in ten said it has been six months or more since they last went out with their partner. And nearly half said they have never had a romantic weekend away without their children.
Perhaps more worryingly, many parents don't even seem to mind; 91% said they'd now rather spend time together as a family than alone with their partner. This is Universal Parent Code for 'I have nothing left to say to you, and would rather talk to my kids.'
So how can we make sure we keep the romance alive, find time for each other, and keep going out on dates as we used to - and why should we?
Well, put it this way; relationships are like house plants. If you don't nurture them, water them and put them in the right soil, they die. House plants are easy to replace. Relationships are not.
And as a direct result of child-rearing (and borderline child obsession) the relationship that caused these children to exist in the first place, can wither and die. Surprisingly quickly.
The top five reasons parents said they go on fewer date nights since having children were:
- Being too busy
- Not having childcare
- Not having the money
- Not wanting to leave the children at home without them
- Not having a clear night where they are both free to go out
The money question is, of course, a big one for many of us. Babysitting can be expensive. But going out for one evening a month is possible for most people. Splitting the cost with another couple is another way of reducing the bill.
Where it comes to leaving children with a child career, you have to just DO IT. You'll choose someone you really trust to look after your children, and if there are any problems, they'll let you know!
As for being too busy, well….the fact of modern life is that we are ALL too busy, ALL the time. So….prioritise.
Clear that diary, find ONE night to go out together, and GO.
Decide that you are not too busy to spend time together as a couple, and that folding the laundry and emailing your Mum back, can wait.
Because your relationship is too important to be ignored.
Liz Fraser is the Modern Family Expert for Care.com, an online resource for all your care needs. It is the world's largest online destination for finding and managing family care. In order to help keep the romance alive, Care.com provides a simple and easy to use resource through which parents can locate childcare options. From long term nannies through to occasional babysitters, the website can help ensure that date nights are put back in the calendar.
tagged in Date Night