Social media should be handled with care.  We all rely heavily on Facebook and Twitter to keep up to date with the news, sport, and our social circle's events and occasions. But they need to be treated like that dreadful friend with a massive gob who struggles to hold her own wee in, never mind a juicy story – think before you tell it anything.  

Sex on Female First

Sex on Female First

In the past three weeks I've witnessed the power and devastation social media can wield.

1) A good friend hooked up with an old flame, both single, both happy – for now, and he even proposed – on Facebook – three weeks into the rekindled relationship. 

2) A married friend received an email from her ex-boyfriend, asking her to meet up again, now he is going through a divorce. When she didn't reply immediately, he tweeted her, posted on her Facebook wall, and tagged her in a photo of them together – in bed – 8 years ago. 

3) A married friend fell apart, and had a complete breakdown, revealing every emotion, argument, conversation and decision on Facebook before she even discussed it with her husband, when she found out he had been cheating on her. 

Let me elaborate. Friend number one has been single for a few years now. She has dated on and off but not found 'the one'. During a conversation last month we discussed why she thought that was. She mentioned Steve. She had a passionate, tumultuous relationship with him five years ago that lasted all of three months. It was breathless, exciting and destructive. She didn't know where she was, she dropped friends, left her job, and even considered moving away for this man. It was one of life's 'memorable' relationships that left her broken, but wanting more. Over the years her rose tinted specs have made it seem even more breath-taking than reality, and she wanted to give it another go. When she noticed on Facebook that his status was now 'single' she decided to grab life by the balls and go for it. Three weeks in I can already see a change in her. Most say it's for the better, and she is incredibly happy, but she is spending less and less time with her friends, her family and her work, and more time satisfying his every whim. Two days ago he proposed – via Facebook – for the world to see, and she said yes. I wish them all the luck in the world, but is social media really the way to propose? And is three weeks really the right length of time to be sure about it? We'll see. But I suppose, if it wasn't for social media, they wouldn't have got together again after all this time. 

Friend number two has been avoiding said ex for many years. He was slightly nuts when she first got together with him, and 3 years later, when they split, he took it badly, was threatening, even violent, and eventually had to be cautioned by the police. In true 'Shining' style, 'He's back!' Thankfully, her incredibly understanding husband knows the situation, and has been 'briefed' on the history. He has been a darling about it, but her sister suggested she close her Twitter and Facebook accounts and hide. My friend (and this is why I love her) said 'Sod that, he's chosen the wrong one to mess with. Why should I run away from this – bring it on!' Social media has played a massive part in the havoc he's been wreaking in her life, and it's only a matter of time before the police are called in again. I only hope, for her sake, this is where it stops. 

Married friend number three is mid crisis. Her hubby had been working away for several weeks, abroad. Three weeks after his return the mobile phone bill dropped onto the mat. She discovered several calls and texts to a new number while he was away, and more importantly, when he was back. They were very late at night, or while he was at work, so she called it. It turned out to be the woman he had been seeing, and sleeping with, for eight weeks while he was overseas. He had told the girl he was single, didn't have children and was looking to relocate in the next two months. Naturally, my friend fell apart, as any woman would. But instead of discussing it with him, screaming at him, punching him, or even telling him she knew, she took to Facebook and Twitter, and announced to the world what he had been doing. She then sat back and waited for everyone who knew him to judge. Over the subsequent days every conversation and argument was broadcast across the internet. His heartfelt apology was posted on her page – begging her to reconsider the divorce she was now demanding. I have to admit, I was impressed with his bravery, when he opened himself up for 'criticism' from her friends and family, and took it all on the chin. What will happen to their marriage and their family is a mystery. After such a public break up I'm not sure there's a way back, and how her friends will take the 'I hate him and want him dead' to 'I'm giving him one more chance' turn around. When you do it so publicly, is it possible to take it all back?

Facebook and Twitter are fantastic tools for promoting business, hooking up with old friends and making new ones, keeping in touch with family across oceans, and lifting your mood when you're down – you only have to look at a couple of cat pictures or a crazy dog video and you're there. But the damage created by that spur of the moment, impulsive comment, post or photo can have repercussions that can be felt for years. As kids we are taught to think before we speak. When is that rule going to apply to social media? 140 characters on Twitter is easy to blurt out with no chance to take it back. Facebook only needs to have us riled up about a subject and we're suddenly commenting on things we know nothing about or have no right to voice an opinion. Couple it up with a late night and a glass or two of wine and devastation ensues. Let's learn to think before we comment, post or contact long lost lovers – patience and dignity is a virtue!

Karen uses dating site illicitencounters.com