The joy (and success) of Christmas is largely dependent on how you approach it. Many couples can fall into a negative spiral at Christmas and psychologists generally agree that just after Christmas is the most common time of year for people to seek some form of help with a relationship. The main hazard couples must all learn to avoid is heightened or unrealistic expectations about an idyllic Christmas Day, or a perfect Christmas present from a partner. The anticipation of Christmas is something we come to build up from a young age to be a perfect time, and despite our experience teaching us to the contrary, many of us, cling to our expectations around Christmas and the romanticism attached to it.
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The relationship experts from Seventy Thirty have a series of tips to make the most of the festivities and managing the stress of Christmas and avoiding any negative impact on your relationship.
Acknowledging that Christmas is a stressful time of year can be the starting point. Our expectations of the perfect Christmas are in direct proportion to the amount of stress we experience over the holidays.
A note on perfection: Remember that perfection isn't what creates priceless memories, it's the special and often, silly moments that we share that everyone will remember.
Slow things down. Try focusing on one thing at a time rather than the enormity of the Christmas period. Try to stay in the moment, to decrease stress. A top tip in being mindful is to look at your feet, notice where they are and concentrate your energy on that place for a moment, grounding yourself in the present.
Know when to say no. In the run up to Christmas, there are an infinite number of additional activities to pack into our already hectic schedules. Take time to think about each event, its importance to you, your friendships and family and whether you need to attend or whether it just adds unnecessary stress.
Accept your feelings. If you are separated or divorced, Christmas can be upsetting, especially if your children are spending time with your ex. If you're feeling angry or lonely, rather than beating yourself up about it, accept it. This can be a bit step in feeling happier again. It can also help you make a decision to keep the drama out of your children's lives and allow it to be a joyful time for them.
Learn to delegate. It's true that women are brilliant multi-taskers, but Christmas is a time for sharing! Share the shopping, cooking and cleaning with your partner and give yourself time to enjoy spending time with loved ones. They have come to see you, not your pristine house!
Now this is the toughest tip, but if you can get your head round it, it can really help you into a happier January.
Avoid overeating and drinking. We're not suggesting you shouldn't have a good time, but if you know that when the brain gets stressed, it sends out signals for you to eat fat and sugar, you can manage it better. The best way is to plan indulgences and have a healthy morning after plan to balance it out.
Make a 'holiday success list'. We make lists and strategies for many areas of our lives, if you list the things that are most important to you, this can help in making sure your ideals of success are satisfied.
Take care of yourself. Don't let fitness and wellbeing regimes completely slide just because it's Christmas. During this hectic time, it's more important than ever to maintain a sense of balance in your work and home life.
Help others. This is a time to focus on those less fortunate than ourselves and be grateful for the good things in our lives. Take a deep breath, relax and have a happy, healthy holiday.
Season's Greetings from Seventy Thirty, London's exclusive dating agency
To find out more see our website www.seventy-thirty.com
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