It is never easy when your marriage falls apart, no matter what age you are. Just the fact that you are not getting the fairy tale ending you dreamed of and expected as you walked down the aisle can be devastating. The thought of starting all over and the sheer horror at having to date again can be overwhelming for most divorcees. However, as Anthea Turner recently claimed, she believes it is harder to get divorced the older you are.
Relationships on Female First
She is quoted as saying 'Your optimism of youth is not there and there are a lot more hazards to deal with.' (www.express.co.uk)
Anthea is right that it can be harder if you are middle aged for several reasons:
- If you have been married a long time you find it harder to imagine what life without your ex will be like
- It will be a long time since you have been single or dated
- You may feel less body confident in your 50's than you did in your 20's or 30's
- You may feel there are less options for you in life now you are older
- You may worry about how you will maintain your lifestyle if you have not worked for many years
But the truth is that these are just fears. They may feel real but there are things you can do to help yourself to cope better. This is proved by the fact that there has been a huge rise in the marriage rate for people over 60 in the UK in recent years. We call this group the Silver Splitters and they are no longer settling for blue rinse and slippers, they are getting back out there and enjoying life.
I am a firm believe that you are better getting out of a relationship that doesn't fulfil you or make you happy, then staying put and suffering. You only live once and settling for anything less than you deserve is a complete waste of your happiness. Even if the decision is made for you it is more fulfilling for you to be out of that marriage than trapped with someone who doesn't love you the way you could be loved.
I often see clients in my divorce coaching clinic who cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. But when they realise all the doors that are now open to them they start to view divorce as a golden opportunity.
In fact there are many things about breaking up that are much easier to do these days than they were when you were in your 20's and 30's. There are divorce coaches to help you work out how to get your life back on track, there are more support groups and you are safe in the knowledge that you are not alone. 1 in 4 marriages end in divorce in the UK so you are bound to know at least one other person who is experiencing the same thing.
Dating on-line has made it so much easier and less intimidating to meet a potential partner. You can even do it from the comfort of your own home in your PJ's with no makeup!
You now have the chance to redesign your life just the way you want it. One way to do this is to start by writing down what I call your break-up bucket list. This is a list of all the things you can do now that you could never have done whilst you were married. Maybe you want to visit a certain place, or wear a certain style of clothes, take up a new hobby or spend time more time with friends. Write a list and then action them in your diary.
Make sure you schedule some fun in too. After a break-up it's a good idea to take some time to work out exactly what YOU enjoy doing. All too often we become co-dependent in long relationships and lose track of our identity as we make compromises for our partners. It's normal to do this but well worth spending some time to think about what makes you tick and what you enjoy doing now that you have some time for you again.
It doesn't have to be doom and gloom if you make the decision to turn things around. It is up to you to take back your control and get back in the driving seat of your life. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together so grab life with both hands and get redesigning just the way you want it!
Sara Davison is an expert break-up, separation and divorce coach who developed the UK's first Divorce Coaching program which provides individuals with the tools, techniques and advice needed to help individuals navigate and better cope with the process of divorce.
Book yourself on her next break-up Retreat from the 21st- 22nd May 2016 via her website http://saradavison.com/break-up-recovery-retreat/
For more information on Sara, or to book a one to one consultation, logon to her website www.saradavison.com or follow her on Facebook (Sara Davison Divorce Coaching), Twitter (@SDDivorcecoach) and Instagram (SaraDavisonDivorceCoach)
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