Why do men cheat?
After looking at many books, reading up on every topic related to relationships and men cheating there really is only one real reason behind this myth and to the men it is obvious, but to the women it may not be so. There are many ways to really make a man become the best he wants to be, but if the woman behind the scene at home isn't creating this atmosphere for him at home then it would be safe to say that he will start to think twice about what his intentions are and what he is going to do about them too. A man needs appraisal, he needs to feel safe, to feel appreciated, to be loved for the little things and to want a simple life….
So lets start from the beginning of a relationship when a couple first meet and how this first stage from feeling everything is utter bliss over months into years, how this can turn a man into being someone very different and very much against his partner to retaliate into this cheater overnight.
We have a young man Simon, in his forties, just come out of a long term marriage ready to settle again and is looking potentially for his ideal partner. Along comes Sue, Sue is in her early thirties, has been single about 3 years and isn't too sure if she wants a relationship but feels incredibly lonely and knows that she is looking for, someone to make her feel good and to share her life with, someone to share holidays with, have a lovely home and a family one day too.
So both Simon and Sue start dating, their attraction for one another is very powerful, they both share the same interests, and are very affectionate together in public, but cant help but feel very strongly towards one another after date 3 and before the month is out they are already talking about moving in together. Those 3 months, lead to moving in with Simon to the end of the year then engaged.
Things are moving along quite nicely here, if anything its too good to be true and Sue truly loves Simon and Simon for Sue. What is lovely about this relationship is there is no arguing, no hang ups from the past, no real insecurities and the relationship appears very open indeed. What makes it all the more exciting is that their future is already mapped out for them.
Their sex lives together were very powerful, both physically being active with one another, 3 if not 4 times per night and more so the weekend, so this isn't something you would say was an issue for either of them, this is what drove them together in the first place. When Simon was offered a job, and Sue stopped working to have their first child, this is when things started to change.
Both loved one another dearly still but Sue wanted more, where her life was packed with a lifestyle of work, friends and family nearby, the new lifestyle which was brought to her after Simon’s new job offer. Their new house, new job offer and friends were all major changes for Sue and at times she felt she did not adapt too well over time. She missed her family, who were not far away, her friends the same and she felt under pressure to be this perfect wife. What Sue was struggling with was she felt all over a sudden resentment, from being a supportive wife to being a negative nag towards Simon due to feeling lonely and bored, this was starting to take its toll on their relationship. Simon knew she loved him, but he did not feel like she wanted him anymore, nor appreciated for how hard he was working for her and the family.
From his side it was more selfishness and control and resentment, she had neglected herself too and wasn't paying any nice compliments towards him. Every little thing would annoy her and when he came home from work she would automatically tell her about her day and moan about it, the sad news is that she would never ask him about his even though he was working very long 12 hour days sometimes. Unfortunately because of this build up of resentment, certain words were said and anger was incredibly strong from Sue. Over time, Simon felt unloved and starting becoming more friendlier towards one particular lady at work. The same feelings he had for Sue at the start was the same feelings he was starting to develop with Jane over time.
The truth was, Simon still loved Sue and they had a lovely little boy together. However, due to Sue pushing Simon away, not loving herself,nor her life or appreciating Simon, he eventfully felt angry towards her. Simon shut himself off and spent more time at work with Jane. Soon after 5 months, Simon left Sue for Jane and have been together ever since.
Now the sadness attached to this was , when Sue found out, she was heartbroken for years, calling him names, resenting any man near her, hating her life more, giving up on life and not taking herself away from her house. She became very bitter and angry over time and started to really procrastinate her time, which ended up losing her house and moving back in with family until things were sorted.
Simon is happily married to Jane and has another child on the way.
The theory behind all of this when asking Simon how could this have been prevented, his words were “if Sue had spoken to me about her feelings, let me in without calling me names and shouting at me, then I would have understood how she felt, I would have opened up myself and felt like I could have helped her and perhaps moved house. I would have moved nearer her family and talked this over, but the more she was shouting at me, nagging me to do things, not happy, hating herself and taking me for granted, the more I wanted to be loved elsewhere. Not only was I feeling neglected but when a woman shouts, its like being bullied, you cant help, nothing stops or prevents her anger, I was a broken man. I was being pulled into a corner and felt unloved, I was always good friends with Jane, but never looked at her in that way for a relationship because I loved Sue. However Jane made me laugh, made me feel good and appreciated my efforts at work, something Sue use to do and make me feel. I dont feel bad for having an affair I just wished Sue was happier and hope she can help herself soon and find love again, I do wish her well.!”
When speaking to other men about their affairs from their partners, their responses were exactly the same, so my question is, is it mainly the woman’s fault? The relationship starts off well, they both love another dearly, communication is open and with compliments, talks are open, then one is feeling lonely, resentment sets in and before anything else, he already has a plan or is pushed to that plan…..it is a simple mistake not to make, but the fear of being vulnerable and weak for some women causes them more pain at the time, until it is too late and the relationship ends. Isn't communication a lot easier and being open and kind than losing the relationship?
Joanna Scott
Ask The Psychic
Author of "The Love Key"
www.askthepsychic.co.uk