By Sara Davison, Divorce Coach
Relationships on Female First
It's reported that breaking up with your partner is the 2nd most traumatic life experience after the loss of a loved one. So it's no wonder that the end of your relationship hurts so badly.
There is also the exquisite physical pain that goes with heartbreak that can be debilitating and paralyses you from moving forward with your life. This pain can be even worse if the split was not your decision or if your partner cheated on you.
Everyone deals differently with the after effects of a break-up but there is no denying that it's a painful experience. But why do they hurt so much?
1. You are grieving the loss of the future you had planned. Everything has changed and you need to plot a new way forward in life. All the dreams and goals that you had shared with your ex have now disappeared as you come to terms with either doing them on your own or not at all.2. You have lost the support and love of someone you cared about deeply. It can be hard to adjust to them not being beside you or at the end of the phone when you need them. It will take time to get used to having to be self-reliant or to call a good friend instead.
3. Fear of never being loved again. When one relationship ends it can be hard to imagine yourself happy with anyone else. You may even feel that you could never love anyone else as much.
4. Low self-confidence and self-esteem is often triggered by a break-up especially if you were dumped. It can lead you to question what is wrong with you and why they didn't want you anymore. This is a negative spiral and will lead to your feeling even worse.
5. Telling everyone about your break-up can be embarrassing and humiliating. It also rakes up your pain every time you have to tell your story.
6. Dating again can be intimidating and a daunting experience. Many people are afraid of being rejected again and so put off trying to find a new partner.
7. Having to do the things you did together on your own can be upsetting and make you feel very alone.
8. Having to cope on your own and do the things they used to do around the house can shine a spotlight on the fact that they are gone.
9. Fear of being alone is a huge reason for the pain after a break-up as loneliness can be tricky to deal with.
10. Waves of negative emotions are normal after a break-up but they can hit you like a freight train if you are not prepared for them. They can affect your performance at work, your friendships, how you parent and your state of mind.
The good news is however that whilst there are many reasons why your break-up hurts so badly, there are also many things you can do to feel better. It's up to you to take control back over your life and to get things back on track.
Remember it's not what happens to you in life that matters, it's what you do about it that defines you as a person. Don't let this take over your life. Get back in the driving seat and take charge again. There are plenty of things you can do to stop the pain and move forward quickly:
1. Surround yourself with positive people who make you feel good about yourself. 2. Allow yourself to cry and release those negative emotions. It's all part of your healing journey. 3. Keep yourself busy and plan your time in advance so you don't end up wallowing in self-pity. 4. Change your daily routine to give you a fresh outlook on life. Maybe drive a different way to work or shop in a different supermarket. 5. Pamper yourself to give your confidence a boost with a hair cut, massage or new nail colour. 6. Book some fun into your diary every week by doing something you enjoy or even makes you laugh. 7. Take some exercise to keep your mind strong. Even a brisk walk around the block with make you feel better. 8. Write a diary so you can address any negative emotions you are experiencing. It's can be a great way of brain dumping anything that is worrying you. 9. Take professional advice from a divorce coach or your GP if you need help moving forward with your life. 10. Write a bucket list of things you can do now you are single and start ticking them off.I'm a big believer that break-up happen for a reason even though we may it be able to see it at the time. Better things are often around the corner and if you speed up your healing process by following the steps above you will massively reduce your heartbreak and will soon feel happier.
Sara Davison is an expert break-up, separation and divorce coach who developed the UK's first Divorce Coaching program which provides individuals with the tools, techniques and advice needed to help individuals navigate and better cope with the process of divorce.
For more information on Sara, or to book a one to one consultation, logon to her website www.saradavison.com or follow her on Facebook (Sara Davison Divorce Coaching), Twitter (@SDDivorcecoach) and Instagram (SaraDavisonDivorceCoach)
Book yourself on her next break-up Retreat from the 19th - 20th of Feb 2016 via her website http://saradavison.com/break-up-recovery-retreat/