Wedding Guide for Guests

05 July 2006

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Being invited to a wedding is not only a great honour, but a great source of stress. Along with the "what do I wear" and "what do I buy them", there's also a "where am I going to get the money from" as the average wedding guest spends £300 on attending.

But there are also a complex set of rules and etiquette to follow as a guest, and making sure you stick to them can save a great deal of hassle for yourself, as well as the happy couple.

Invites
Once the fancy envelope lands on your doormat, a storm of pomp and circumstance begins, even if you don't plan on attending the wedding.

First of all, who is invited?
If the invite is addressed to yourself only, the couple are expecting yourself only. Efforts will have been made to seat you with other unaccompanied aquaintances of yours, and your own guest has not been planned, or budgeted for.
If it says to yourself "and guest" then, the couple is expecting yourself and your date of choice for the afternoon.
An invitation that names you and your significant other, means that the bride and groom are expecting you to bring along that named significant other. If you have children, then, in this instance, they are not invited. Usually, this is because children do not fit into the day the happy coupe imagine for themselves, so don't take it personally, and enjoy a 'grown ups' day out.
If the invite is adressed to you, your Significant other "and family", or if it names your children, then the whole family is invited.

RSVP
RSVP is becoming a forgotten art in todays world, but it is important to let the hosts know who will be attending the wedding. Even if you do not plan to go, you should still `RSVP, albeit with your regrets.
If you do plan to attend the wedding, you should indicate how many of the invited guests will be going, and add a note about any unique circumstances that you believe the hosts may not be aware. Wheelchair access is appropriate to make them aware of, Dietary restrictions are not. If you have food allergies, or religious dietary restrictions, and you believe they may not be catered for, try to eat something beforehand. If presented with something you can't eat, simply don't eat it.

It is also inappropriate to ask the hosts wether you can bring an extra guest. It's fine to ask who else has been accompanied, but asking them to cater for another guest, simply for your benefit, is asking them to spend twice as much on you for that day.

If you don't plan to go to the wedding, follow the instructions on the RSVP card, and include a short note, explaining the situation, and giving your best wishes. A phonecall to make sure they recieved your apologies is also a good idea.
Changing your mind about wether you can go to the wedding or not makes life hard for the hosts. Everything is catered to specific numbers, and having to change those numbers, may not be difficult until days before the wedding, but it's another thing on the list of to-dos.

On the day
If you're invited to the ceremony, make sure you can arrive on time. It's a mark of disrespect, to walk up the aisle after the bride (unless you're a bridesmaid) - it's believed to signify that the relationship won't last and that the groom will find another. If you arrive late, quietly take a seat at the back, or if getting to the front is so important to you, walk down a side aisle

If the wedding takes place in a culture you're unfamiliar with, have a trawl around the internet so you know what to expect. No one's expecting you to become an expert, but it's a good idea to have a grasp of the basics. Even if this is not possible, try to find someone who looks like they know what they're doing, and quietly ask what's going on.
Even if there are no familiar faces, try to do what others do. If you get to a point where you really don't know what to do, there's always someone to ask!

What to wear!!
Formal and conservative is the way to go for most weddings. For Ladies, a dress at least knee length, or a trouser suit is perfect, but unless you're a bridesmaid, cover your shoulders. For Gents, a shirt and tie.

In some cultures, wedding guests need to remove their shoes, so if it's likely that the hosts will sway away from the church wedding, make sure you wear some presentable socks.

The After Party
The reception is the wind down at the end of the day. Guests and hosts get to let their hair down and enjoy. But don't let it too far down - there are still rules to be followed.

Don't forget that this may be just a party, to you, but it's an important, once in a lifetime event for your guests. The last thing the need is you, or your guest having to be carried back to their room, because the alcohol was free flowing. If it is an open bar, try to be respectful and remember that someone has to pay for it, so don't overdo it.

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