The Mornings After

15 August 2006

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At 16, we're all starry eyes, and soft focus. Marriage is a distant dream that will see you leisurely hanging white cotton sheets in a lush green meadow, whilst your darling hubby entertains the little ones,nearby.

With each passing year, and every failed relationship, however, we (both men and women) realise that it's not going to be the misty daydream we once thought. In the days leading up to the big W, everyone experiences Jitters and nerves.

Will all the responsibility kill the fun? Will the flame go out now you're officially stuck together? Will your marriage be just another divorce statistic? Will you really kill him if he leaves the seat up again?

Relax. Nothing is so perfect that any change can't be for the better, and believe what your aunt fanny tells you - Everything changes. It doesn't mean that your relationship is going to fall apart after a year of marriage.

According to recent data, some 53% of people over the age of 16 are married. 300'000 people get married every year, and 60% of marriages work. Even those who have been involved in a marriage that didn't work are likely to choose to remarry.

One reason people get married is the perception of solidarity. If something happens you your partner, the fact that you are now his closest relative means that you will be the first to know. Security makes an apprearance, too, and having made a public commitment means thet you're more likely to stick with it through thick and thin.

But after the hype of the big day, the marriage can seem like something of an anticlimax. Many couples divorce in the first year of marriage, because that's the hardest one.
You'll both learn to live together in a way that works for you, learn how people will react to your new found status, and to you as a unit. Many people find that their expectations take over and those who have been living together for a while find that the house runs differently. It's quite usual to find that where you once shared the chores, the lions share passes to one partner or the other once you are married. But in any good relationship, this can be worked out.

In this time, people lose the buzz of being 'in love' and reality returns. You may love your partner, but you're not in love with him. Unfortunately, it happens. It doesn't mean you shouldn't be in a relationship with them, or that the relationship is growing stale - just growing up.It's not that marriage takes more work than a relationship - just that cultivating a relationship isn't the same as sustaining one, and the key to making a marriage work, is working with that change.

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