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Anna’s Friendship Has Turned Frisky
Anna asks:
Within the last six months, my friend and I have become very close. We have a lot in common. He's hilarious. He makes me laugh. Within the last two months, we have moved forward with our friendship.
We started sleeping with each other. Still there is no commitment. He says he cares about me a lot. But, that he's afraid. Apart of me doesn't want to continue being with him because of the fact that I know I care so much about him. I will hurt.
At the same time, he's so sweet when we're together. Our friends know of our arrangement. He doesn't try to hide it. We always hang out with them and we have our alone time. That consists of dinner, movie, or whatever.
Before we started sleeping with each other, everyone thought we had something going on because have such good chemistry. I would always say no. And, he would ask me why it was a big deal, why didn't I just tell them we were together.
I feel like he does care about me. But, he doesn't act like he wants to be anything exclusive or serious. I feel like this may be all he can do right now, but at the same time, we sleep together regularly. What else is left?
It's nice though. We're completely comfortable around each other. I just don't know what to do. I don't know if I should just wait it out or what. I don't want to jeopardize our friendship.
A really confusing situation - it’s clear that you are really in to him. You say everything that would lead me to think this, and so probably, he is also picking up on this.
He’s not ready for something exclusive or committed and so he’s using your friendship as a safety net. He’s not afraid to be public about your intimacy but he just doesn’t want to commit - what does that tell you? Be careful here.
Potentially, you have the makings of a really good relationship, because you already have the basis of a great understanding and you share humour and are used to spending time together in a romantic sense, but if you start off by letting him take advantage, it’ll be harder to get what you want in the long run.
If you want it to last and go all the way, pull back a bit and just make yourself a little less available. Without playing games, make him stop and think about how he needs to behave in order to spend quality, intimate moments with you.
Make him work a little. Friendship shouldn’t mean a free ticket to some sexy fun, it should mean he tries even harder.
What else is left? Have you seen Sex and the City? You know what you are now. He has it on tap, no strings attached - because neither of you wants to lose your friendship.
Wait it out? What should you be waiting for here - for your very close friend to actually commit to only sleeping with you and treat you with the respect any decent friend would extend to you?
He’s giving you mixed messages and signals, but you’re lying down and making it easy for him. At some point, chances are you’ll tire of waiting or feeling in limbo between friendship and being a couple.
You’ve said part of you doesn’t want to continue as things are - so call time on it unless he’s prepared to commit. Give him an inch, he’ll take all you’re willing to give.
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