Claire asks :

I recently got married, after a pretty short relationship. I left my partner of 8 years for this man as i felt i had to give a relationship a chance with this man. We have been married for 4 months and together for 14 months. Lots of people, including my family, felt this was too soon and although i have problems even admitting it to myself, i wish i had waited. I still love my ex-partner and dont seem to be able to get rid of this feeling, i still feel he was the love of my life, although he didnt want marriage or children. I'm feeling very confused and just want to be happy with my husband and move on! I'm 37 years old and would like to start a family, but i'm reluctant because of these feeling.

Yin replies

You should not have to decide between happiness and a family, but it would seem that this is the position you are in. If you stay with this man, will you be happy? Will you love him forever the way you do your ex even if you have children? Or will you be more content with no children but with the man you truly love?

You need to decide because if you try and leave and get your ex back, he might say no, but if he takes you back then you are still faced with the same problems as before and the trust will be gone because you went off with another man. Also, if he wanted to keep you in his life, he may have reconsidered on the whole marriage and baby front in order to stop you walking out of his life but he didn’t. 

Yang replies

You have not been together with this man for very long so the feelings you have might flourish over the next few years of being a couple. The grass is always greener as they say and you are focusing on what you could have if you had the life you did before, but you left that for a reason. Bringing a family into the world is not the best decision if you are not sure if you will provide a united front with your partner.

If you can't find it all with either man with perhaps you could look for someone you who  you love dearly and who wants the same things. Don’t compromise, because you will never be content if you resent the fact that you had to give something up for one of the men. 


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