Ellie asks :
Hi, I'm 20 and I've fallen in love for the first time - I've never felt this way about anybody before. There's only one problem. He's 37! He used to be worried and cautious about the age gap. But after spending some time together, he decided that he doesn't care about it. I never cared about the age-gap in the first place, but I've been faced with a lot of judgement from my family. My mum is trying to stop me from seeing him, as if I'm a child and can't make my own decisions. She doesn't seem to realise that I have grown up and if this is a mistake, I will make it myself. I really do love him, but at the same time I don't want to hurt my family. They keep telling me that me seeing him is wrong, but I truly have feelings for him and can't imagine being without him! Please help? :(
Yin replies
An age gap is only a problem if the couple see it as a problem. If you love each other and you feel comfortable and right in each other’s company, then there is not a lot you can do to alter your feelings. It is either be happy with the man you love or be single and unhappy, or with someone of similar age who you don’t really feel anything for.
Your parents will always find it strange if you date someone closer to their age than yours, it’s a natural response, because despite your age you will always be their little girl and protective of you. You should not have to choose between your family and your partner. My suggestion would be if you want to keep dating him, to keep your family and him separate until you have been together a while, to prove that you are serious about one another. Then try and get them to spend more time together, the sooner they realise that you are in love and that he is not taking advantage then they may warm to him more.
Yang replies
Keep in mind that with the added years your priorities will be different. He may not want children, you might, he many have had a lot of experience in his lifetime and be ready to settle down while you might want to travel, move to a job far away or live the life of a twenty year old. Make sure that you are not missing out on anything by taking a more mature outlook on life because of your partner.
This is also the first time you have fallen in love, so be cautious, as we always feel more for our first loves, because we have nothing to compare it to.
tagged in Love Family Mums yin and yang agony aunt
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