- Follow us
Emily Gets Butterflies For The Wrong Guy
Emily asks:
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and I feel as though things have gone stale. I love him, but I'm only 20 years old and I feel like we're an old married couple sometimes.
He's so sweet and kind and I know that he loves me a lot, but sometimes I feel like he is more into this relationship then I am.
A few months ago I became friends with another man and we have a lot of fun together. He's outgoing and funny and he recently told me that he has very strong feelings for me, and if I am honest with myself, I have feelings for him, too.
Whenever I see him I get butterflies in my stomach and he makes me feel good about myself. I'm feeling very confused because I do not want to cheat on my boyfriend as I love him and I know it would really hurt him, but I do not want to break up with him either as I feel that he does not deserve to be broken up with when he has not done anything wrong.
My head tells me the smart thing is to stick to the relationship I am already in to avoid hurting people and try my best to get over my new crush, but my heart tells me to go for the excitement and the butterflies of the new guy.
I cannot stop all communication with my friend as we work together. Please help!
Rule 1: don’t stay with someone because you don’t think they’ve done anything wrong or don’t deserve to be broken up with. People get their hearts broken every day, all over the world. It’s part of life.
Rule 2: don’t fool yourself that this new guy won’t also make you feel stale one day, further down the line. You’re 20, you don’t have a great deal of experience to draw on, but butterflies are just that feeling you get with someone new, exciting.
What if you keep having that feeling, years down the line, are you going to split up with every guy you’re with once someone else makes you feel that excitement? You’re putting too much pressure on yourself.
But what you do need to decide is, are you maybe at the stage of life where you need to be free to feel these things and to please yourself?
Don’t tie yourself down for the sake of upsetting someone else. You may regret hurting him, and you may always regret it, but you’ll know deep down that you had to change things for your own good and his own good.
You’re 20 - you’ve got every right to have a crush, and to act on it. Don’t beat yourself up about this. You’re not married, or even engaged.
You are obviously a nice person but don’t overdo it. No one wants someone to stay with them out of pity, and that’s what you’d be doing. What an insult for your guy.
Either get over your crush and get on with it, or move on. But don’t sit there being all cosy on the sofa while you secretly feel all proud of yourself for being such a good girl and not acting on your butterflies for this guy at work.
Be true to yourself or be true to him, but don’t sit on the fence feeling righteous.
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It is quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.
