chelsea asks :

Has my boyfriend cheated on me? His ex after 3 years has come up to me at a party and told me everything and it would have worked out I would have been at college the day it happened. She has told me bits about his room, but he really denies it. I don't believe her but what happens if it is true? I can understand it could have happened but the way he talks and how serious he seems its impossible to believe her. What do I do? There is no answer to this problem, I have even had them face to face all three of us together and they both said the other was lying. What's next?

Yin replies

First of all, take a step back. It was very brave but possibly detrimental to stage this meeting of all three of you together. Someone’s obviously lying and so whoever it was clearly wasn’t likely to suddenly confess in front of the other.

You really can never know because you have no evidence and can only go by what each of them says. If you doubt him because of what this girl says, then it suggests you don’t really trust him entirely anyway and so maybe deep down, you have a reason to dump him.

If you do trust him but just think she’s making it up, then just end contact with her. Don’t involve her. She’s loving the attention.

The fact is, whatever did or didn’t happen, he doesn’t seem to be saying he wants to leave you and go off with his ex. Don’t bury the relationship if you’re not sure it’s dead. Surely she could know details about his room from when she was his girlfriend? Is that possible?

She sounds like she’s stirring but if you just can’t be sure either way, why not give them both some space. Tell him you don’t want to be made a fool of, you don’t understand where it has all come from so suddenly, and that you need some time apart to just get your head together.

If he really doesn’t want to lose you, he’ll pester you and give you some clear signs that he is for real. Just don’t keep asking him if he’s lying.

Yang replies

It sounds like you know what you believe - you believe her but you don’t want to. You think that what she says adds up but you wanted him to convince you otherwise. Getting them together is a bit dramatic and was always going to be counter-productive.
It sounds like a messy situation and the only way you’re going to walk away with your head held high is probably to call it quits. If she was lying, he’ll pull out all the stops to convince you of the truth and they won’t end up together.
If he’s lying, you’ll probably see them hanging out together. Give them both up - they sound like a negative influence you could do without!