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Jenny Thinks Her Guy’s A Commitment-Phobe
jenny asks:
I am friends with a guy I’m really falling for and I think he has feelings for me as well but it’s like he is trying to act like he doesn’t.
He said that when couples put a label on their relationship and start taking things seriously, things start to go wrong. Is he afraid to commit, or does he just want to remain friends?
It’s always going to be dangerous territory - friends falling for each other, admitting it to each other. Someone’s always going to get hurt because for some reason, you did set out being friends rather than lovers.
Maybe you became friends because you were attracted to each other but honestly, if he is reluctant to alter the nature of your relationship, just try to be satisfied in the suspicion that he’s attracted to you.
Not all mutual attractions are best acted on. You could be the best friends ever but be a terrible couple. Follow his lead and don’t push anything.
He may just be scared to lose your friendship, in which case you need to concentrate on being reliable and level-headed, and not making him think he’s losing that - or he’ll back off completely.
He’s afraid to commit - or he doesn’t want to commit to you. Don’t make the mistake of thinking he’s got a problem that you can fix. Labels? An excuse.
He’s trying to be kind to you - don’t embarrass yourself by forcing him to reject you because then you’ll lose your self-respect as well as your friend. He might well have feelings for you - but they’re probably ones that make some movement in his trouser pocket if he doesn’t want to ‘take things seriously’.
What is it Beyonce said? 'If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it.' Tough luck if he has feelings for you if he’s not prepared to acknowledge them to the rest of the world.
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