jodie asks :
I am 19 and have been with my boyfriend for two years now, and we live together. Recently, we have been having some very bad problems. We keep breaking up and getting back together and wen I realised were not working anymore so I told him that I love him very much but I don't make him happy, so I'm leaving.. Well then he told me if I left, he would throw all my things out on the street, then he tried to kill me! We are together again but I feel it’s because I'm scared. I love him with all my heart and I’ll never stop loving him, but am I doing the right thing? Help me.
Be really careful here. It’s not uncommon for people to find themselves stuck in a relationship that damages them because they’re too afraid to leave or because they are worried about the outcome.
What’s interesting about this is that you told him that the reason you wanted to leave was that you didn’t make him happy - it’s not entirely true; he obviously doesn’t make you happy either.
Not least because he tried to kill you. You cannot remain in a relationship because you are scared. I know you are only 19 and probably think that you aren’t at a stage of life where you should be seeking professional help but I would recommend that you seek help.
Contact Womensaid.org.uk / 0808 2000 247. If someone you are in a relationship with threatens to kill you, or goes as far as trying to kill you, then you need help.
You need to remember that you haven’t caused anything that has gone wrong. If you want to work it out, you might need a third party to sit and help you talk it through, a mediator, so that things don’t get out of hand.
Are you doing the right thing? Are you serious? N-O. You love a guy, okay, well, we can’t help who we love, but you love one who has tried to kill you? You wouldn’t be the first but seriously, you’re 19.
You can’t choose who you love but you can choose what you do about your feelings. Life has only really just begun - if you don’t get this sorted now, it’s going to take over your whole life.
Is there no way you can leave at a time when he is not around? Have you confided in someone or sought help? I suspect you need to put some distance between yourself and him, some physical distance, and refuse to see him unless someone else is present.
Leave him a note, tell him you love him but you aren’t prepared to stay on his terms. Honestly? I think that trying to repair this is always going to end in tears.
But if you want to work it out, you have to find out what the trigger has been for these recent, serious problems between the two of you.