Louise asks :

I've been best friends with this guy since we were 12. I feel like he knows me better than anyone, and I would be so upset if I lost him, but he's also a bit of a player. About a year ago he told me he liked me.
I sort of already knew, and I'd also really liked him for a while, but I didn't know whether to trust him or not because I'd seen him with girls and seen the way he'd treated them. But about 6 months ago I slept with him and I've been sleeping with him on and off since then.
He said he doesn't want a relationship and that it would just be a casual thing, which I was fine with at first because he's moving away to Uni after the summer and I would hardly see him. We've both been with other people since we first slept together, but now I feel like I want more than sex and that I'm going to miss him soo much when he moves away.
I told him that I really liked him, and that I couldn't just sleep with him because I'd be really hurt if he slept with someone else. He said that he wouldn't but that he still didn't want a relationship.
I can see us getting more and more distant and I feel more like one of the girls he messes about than his best friend now. I don't know whether to stop sleeping with him and move on and try and just be friends again, or to carry on. Help!

Yin replies

This is obviously upsetting you and is such a shame. You obviously went against your better judgement but thought that you were close enough to be able to deal with the consequences - but it seems that he isn’t.
You should let him know how you’re feeling and I think yes, it would be a good idea to stop sleeping with him and let him know why. If he doesn’t make any effort to address the issue you raise, you’ll know just how good a friend he was all along.
You must have known that sex would complicate things and alter your relationship forever. He’s told you he doesn’t want a relationship - believe him. At this stage, I would start planning for life without him there as a friend or lover.

Yang replies

Don’t waste time beating yourself up here. This guy is a player - you knew that and you carried on regardless. So you obviously knew it could end this way. Move on. Of course you’re going to miss him - but you would have done anyway if he was always planning on leaving.
You’ve got to accept that he’s just not that into you - not in the way you are. He wouldn’t be bothered or hurt if you slept with someone else? End of discussion.

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