Louise asks :
I've been best friends with this guy since we were 12. I feel like he knows me better than anyone, and I would be so upset if I lost him, but he's also a bit of a player. About a year ago he told me he liked me.
I sort of already knew, and I'd also really liked him for a while, but I didn't know whether to trust him or not because I'd seen him with girls and seen the way he'd treated them. But about 6 months ago I slept with him and I've been sleeping with him on and off since then.
He said he doesn't want a relationship and that it would just be a casual thing, which I was fine with at first because he's moving away to Uni after the summer and I would hardly see him. We've both been with other people since we first slept together, but now I feel like I want more than sex and that I'm going to miss him soo much when he moves away.
I told him that I really liked him, and that I couldn't just sleep with him because I'd be really hurt if he slept with someone else. He said that he wouldn't but that he still didn't want a relationship.
I can see us getting more and more distant and I feel more like one of the girls he messes about than his best friend now. I don't know whether to stop sleeping with him and move on and try and just be friends again, or to carry on. Help!
This is obviously upsetting you and is such a shame. You obviously went against your better judgement but thought that you were close enough to be able to deal with the consequences - but it seems that he isn’t.
You should let him know how you’re feeling and I think yes, it would be a good idea to stop sleeping with him and let him know why. If he doesn’t make any effort to address the issue you raise, you’ll know just how good a friend he was all along.
You must have known that sex would complicate things and alter your relationship forever. He’s told you he doesn’t want a relationship - believe him. At this stage, I would start planning for life without him there as a friend or lover.
Don’t waste time beating yourself up here. This guy is a player - you knew that and you carried on regardless.
So you obviously knew it could end this way. Move on. Of course you’re going to miss him - but you would have done anyway if he was always planning on leaving.
You’ve got to accept that he’s just not that into you - not in the way you are. He wouldn’t be bothered or hurt if you slept with someone else? End of discussion.