mark asks :
i am a 43 year old man,after splitting with my wife and getting divorced 5 years ago i moved back to my birthplace where i met a wonderful woman.I fell head over heels in love with her but she made it clear she only wanted a casual relationship. Despite this we have remained freinds and especially during the last few years we have become very close as freinds and spend a lot of time together but she has been adamant we will only ever be freinds,although on several occasion after having too much to drink she has told me she is in love with me but then the next day denies it all,blaming the alcahol. i have had one short relationship for about a month which didnt work out because i was still in love with this woman,during this month she told me on two occasions(both after drinking) that she loved me and was jealous,again only to deny this the next day i want to move on with my life but her freindship is too important,i want to be her freind but also her lover and soul mate,she has started dating and i am jealous again,i dont know what to do!!!
Hi Mark, working on the assumption that we let our guard down when we are drunk, then she may well love you, but only has the courage to tell you when she has drink to help her along. You have obviously addressed asking her if waht she said was true when she is sober as she denies it, have you asked her why she tells you this? nIf you are close freinds then she should be able to tell you her motivations behind her telling you this. It sounds like your friendship means a lot to you, so would you want to be in a situation whereby you dont have her as a lover or a friend as telling her you love her over and over may drive her away.
From her point of view, her knowing that you are in love with her is an ego boost. If all else fails then she still has you and this is not fair on you. If she is not interested you need to move on, i realise that it didnt work out with the other woman, however that does not mean that it will fail to work with someone new. As hurtful as it sounds, she knows that if she keeps telling your that she loves you, you will keep on having feelings fer her. If she is dating someone else then it may be time for you too aswell, as this is a sign that she means what she says. If you are in the mindset of her not being avaliable then you can be good to yourself and let the wounds heal.