Michael asks :
Dear Yin and Yang, I’ve recently been suffering from what I believe is a lack of direction in my life, a lack of motivation. I want to be a good dad, love my family, live the dream. But at the same time, I really want the other stuff too. Have a bit of ‘me time’ as it were, make the most of my life personally. Some people have said that I’m clearly addicted to chaos but I’m not sure that’s true. I’m rich, I’m miserable, I’m pretty average for this town. Recently I had a fit of rage during a round of golf which was uncharacteristic for me to say the least. The last year or so hasn’t gone exactly to plan. You see it in the movies, I wanted to retire, be a good guy for once, be a family man. So I bought a big house, came here, put my feet up and I thought i’d be a dad, like all the other dads but if anything my son feels as though he’s holding my hand through this midlife crisis. What I want? I don’t know, I want something that isn’t this. All advice is appreciated. Best Regards Michael
Yin replies
Retirement is tricky time for anyone who has been used to an active and busy lifestyle, so it will take some time to adjust. Often restlessness and indecisiveness can be down to depression. Decision making and direction are lacking in a person who is feeling low. I would suggest going to your doctor to talk about your options, it may be that they can offer some counselling as it sounds like you need vent your frustrations. IF you don’t want to approach your doctor, The Samaritans are a great place to start, its free and they are available 27/7 to talk to, if you feel you need to chat after the doctor’s office has shut.
Often when someone has reached the top such as yourself, with lots of money, this allows you to be able to have lots of choices but at the same time choosing what to do is very hard because you are not really limited to anything. Make a list of things you want to achieve in your life and set a time frame. This way you will be doing the things that you want to do, giving yourself some well needed ‘me time’ as well as spending time with your son.
Yang replies
Try starting something up with your boy, a hobby or an interest that you are experienced in and demonstrate your knowledge. That way you will show him that you are taking charge of the situation again and reduce his feelings of having to carry you. You could try getting your own hobby that will occupy your time but also get you meeting new people and having more of a structure to your day.
Whatever it is that you choose to do, distraction is the key. If you give yourself lots of free time it is human nature to worry, over think and regret things so try and fill your life with whatever it may be that makes you happy, once you have figured out what it is after talking it through with someone.
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