My Mother The Liar

helen writes:

Right now I feel so depressed I'm 19 years old and two years ago I found out my mother was having a affair with a man she had met on holiday. I didn't know what people would say if I said anything so I didn't tell anyone but the guilt of knowing made me really down and I had to just watch my mother live a lie.

I had used my mother phone to text a friend and found loads of texts from this man. I rang him and left a message asking what the hell did he think he was doing. The next day my mum rang me asking if I had rang a friend and that's when I knew it was true.

She carried on emailing and phoning him and then left a letter for my father saying it was over. I couldn't stand the guilt of knowing anymore and told a member of my family who then told my father. My mother denied it all and said I was making it up and something was wrong with me. I felt like no one believed me and it was all my fault.

To top it off my boyfriend went to prison and she used that against me. One day I got a phone call from my dad saying my mother was moving this new man in when my dad still lived there. Luckily that didn't happen and me and my dad moved out. Her boyfriends partner threw him out and he moved in with my mother which none of the family agreed with.

She then moved to Australia leaving my family to pick all the pieces up which she'd left behind. Then my brother found out she was in £10,000 worth of debt! She bought this man everything he ever wanted. she spend £500 in a Hugo Boss shop! One day I was talking to her on the internet and I just snapped, I couldn't take it anymore. I told her how I felt about her and that she isn't my mother anymore she's a different person. She lies and lies and everybody's only just started seeing it.

One day when I was arguing with her she said it was my fault and I helped cause it. Every day I get up wondering how i can make things better. I don't want to die but sometimes i think it would be better if I was. I feel that low I hate myself.

I also had a miscarriage while my boyfriend was in prison which made me feel more alone and lately my boyfriend's been really difficult with me and I've told him I feel depressed but he always get moody and it seems its all about him. I don't no what to do or who to turn to as I don't want to put my family though anything again.

Yin's Answer

What a horrible experience you have been through and none of it is not your fault so don't believe your mother when she says that, this is all her own doing and you are the poor one caught in the middle of it.

First I think you need to cut contact with your mother, she is only making you feel worse and at the moment doesn't deserve to have a relationship with you. In the future things might be better but for now you need to look after yourself and she is making you miserable.

I think it would be a good idea to finish your relationship, you have been through so much already and if your boyfriend is not prepared to listen to your problems he is not the right person for you.

Going through a miscarriage is very distressing and it is no wonder you are feeling upset. Speak to your doctor about how you are feeling depressed and he may be able to arrange for you to speak to someone or at least point you in the right direction.

It has been a horrible experience but you will come out stronger because of it.

Yang's Answer

What an awful person your mother is and thank god she is in Australia now because you are so much better without her.

Anyone who makes up lies about their own children and blames them for their own mistakes does not deserve to have children and you need to cut her out of your life so she stops bringing you down. Like Yin says, she may realise how stupid she has been in time but for now you don't need her.

Don't worry about talking to your family, they know what you have been throughand will want to help you so confide in one of the mand tehy will help you through this.

Banish any thoughts you have of ending it all, you are toop good for that and it will mean your mother has won. At 19 you have to much to live for.

Now your mum is gone things should strat looking up for you and your family so look to the positives like your dad and how you have both supported each other through this. Forget about those who have dragged you down, get rid of them and move on.