Lucy asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have discovered payments from 3 different men on my 18year old daughter's bank statement. She is living in halls at university and I am worried that she has got herself involved in something dodgy.
Hi Lucy,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Perhaps next time she is home you could talk to her about it. She may be angry that you have checked her bank statement without her knowledge if you have no prior agreement for this, however if she has got into some trouble you might be able to help before it potentially gets out of hand.
It sounds like you may have some trust issues with your daughter, which is understandable if she has just left home and has been faced with a lot of new temptations. If she can see in time that you only looked because you were worried about her, or her spending, then she might forgive you for invading her privacy, however it is arguable that she is an adult now and you may have to try and trust that there is an innocent explanation for these payments. If you can’t rest until you know then it may be worth talking to her face to face.
How much are they for? Large amounts could suggest that she is into something she perhaps should not be. Small, different amounts could be something that you might have overlooked.
It could be that she has paid for something for some of her male friends and they were sending her the money back rather than giving her the cash. If it was something ‘dodgy’ then perhaps they would not want the money to be traceable. It could be that they all went out together and she was the only one with cash and so paid on behalf of a few people. It could be that she is paying for the rent for her accommodation from her account and they pay her first to group the funds together? Perhaps start a conversation about her finances first and see I anything comes out of that to explain the payments.
It is natural to be cautious here, but it might be worth not jumping to any conclusions until you have talked to her. Certainly it would not hurt to be prepared for the worst case scenario and think of what ways you could offer her support, however you might find that on paper it looks far worse than it actually is.
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