Clare asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have feelings for a male friend and don’t know how to handle it. He has lost a lot of weight over the last few years and is hot but has been badly hurt in the past. He is very easily embarrassed so I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. I’m overweight and not pretty so I doubt he would be interested anyway. I just don’t know what I should do
Hi Claire,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If he has been overweight then perhaps you have shared the same concerns over the years, which have enabled you to bond more closely as friends.
If you approach him now about this he may think that the only reason you like him is because he is now ‘hot’- so if you do decide to tell him that you have feelings for him then be careful how you approach. Did you find him attractive at all before the weight loss?
If he has been badly hurt in the past then this might make him cynical about relationships, however if you have stood by him as a friend, he might place more trust in a potential relationship with you. Is he easily embarrassed in front of you or just everyone else? If you do want more and he does too then it might be worth momentary embarrassment to get what you both could want.
Has he shown you any sign that he likes you back? If he has then he may be ready to date again after being hurt before. If your friendship is strong then if he doesn’t feel the same way you should have the tools to be able to take it back to where you were.
If you feel insecure about your weight and your looks then perhaps you could ask him for some guidance. What has he been doing that has got him to his goal? Perhaps your bond would be stronger if he helped you to achieve yours? He has some awareness of how difficult it is to lose weight so he should be a more considerate person towards other people regarding this issue.
If you don’t ask him then you might always be left with the doubt in your mind. Perhaps you could approach the subject sensitively- ask him if he is ready for romance again- or if there is anyone that has caught his eye. By easing him into the conversation, he might not be as embarrassed. The more he can talk to about romance and what he wants from his future relationships, the easier it should become to tell him about your side of things.
tagged in weight yin and yang agony aunt
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