Samantha asks :

I have this boyfriend, who is older than me. He seems to be a bit too controlling over me. We dont live together but see each other everyday. If I make plans with someone else, he feels i have to tell him, which I do. However when I do tell him, he gets upset. Then tells me he Doesnt believe me. If I don't tell him where I am going and who with he also gets upset. I feel like I have to have a life without him too. He always wants to take me to and from places to see who I am with. If I refuse, he gets angry. He has followed me on one occasion, that I know of, to see where I was going and who with. I had to change my destination becaus I caught him doing so. I need some advice. I love him but he is too obessive and controlling.

Yin replies

If you love him then you need to find out why he does not trust you, as this is what it is likely down too. Have you acted in a way or done something that would make him doubt where you are going or who with? This seems to be getting out of control and needs to be addressed asap, as it is unusual behaviour. Could it be down to your age difference? Sometimes our controlling behaviour is down to insecurity, has he had an ex that has cheated on him for instance? Or do his friends or family act in a similar manner? Maybe your should try and talk to him about the reasons why he might have these insecurities and work through them together.

Yang replies

It is very important to have your own friends and see other people beacuse if there was no you and him anymore, who would you have left? Consider telling him that if the behaviour does not stop then you will seriosly have to think about your future, as his actions are unnacceptable in what should be a loving and trusting reltionship. You are your own person and you can do what you want without having to answer to him if you dont want to. The best relationships are those who can function together but also very healthily apart too.

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