- Follow us
Saskia Suspects She Has Trust Issues
Saskia asks:
I've been with my boyfriend for five months but when we first got together, it was amazing, and like the happiest couple ever, but about a month ago I caught him masturbating and it ripped me to pieces, I forgave him but it still plays on my mind!
I really does play funny things with me, I'm not sure what to do as he said that it's natural and I was working myself up over nothing, but in my eyes, it's practically cheating! But he cannot see that, please help me!
I really do love him and I know it can work, I just need your advice! Also, he left his Facebook logged in on my phone, so thought I'd have a look at it, and was reading his private mails and he was telling another girl she is beautiful! :( I'm not sure whether to just leave him because of trust issues or stay with him?
Saksia, I think it’s safe to say that if you’re feeling like this, you’ve got to look inwards before thinking about ending the relationship.
There are two issues here, but both hint at insecurity on your part rather than lack of trust. The two things an be easily mistaken. Don’t worry at all about the masturbating - you don’t mention if your relationship is sexual yet, but even if it is, plenty of men masturbate as well.
It doesn’t mean they’re not satisfied and it certainly shouldn’t be regarded as ‘cheating’. You need to be open about it with him though and try to understand how it makes him feel and how that’s different to what you make him feel.
Boys, men, even women masturbate without it meaning anything beyond some personal pleasure and time out. The issue of him emailing another girl and telling her she’s beautiful - well, how you feel you should handle that is up to you.
If he left it open on your phone, he either trusts you or is playing with you, to see if you would look.
So maybe don’t go in all guns blazing just yet - keep an eye on the situation, see if anything else is said, and try really hard to have evidence that doesn’t involve you having to admit you looked at his Facebook. It’s hard to resist, granted, but isn’t a great way to start a relationship.
You’ve been together for five months and already have doubts and are catching him out paying compliments to other women.
You don’t mention how ‘exclusive’ you are to each other, or if you’re sleeping together, so after only five months, who’s to say he’s not within his rights to tell another woman she’s beautiful?
Common sense, though, suggests that if he were totally in to you, he wouldn’t be bothering with her. Best off walking out before you get hurt, perhaps - he’s maybe just not the right kind of guy for you, especially if you’re not happy with him masturbating.
You can’t stop him doing that if he’s used to it. For some men, it’s as habitual as scratching their head.
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It is quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.
