Shall I Leave?
Sarah asks:
I have been married to my husband for 37 years. He is a good man on the whole. When we first started having sex, I was a virgin and he wasnt very experienced. It wasnt exactly unpleasant but I didnt orgasm and my husband once he had penetrated me would last about 5 seconds. I always pretended I enjoyed sex.
We have two children both in their 30's and with lives of their own. My husband and I seem to have become friends and not very good ones at that. We sleep in the same bed, but thats all we do. We hardly kiss anymore and very rarely cuddle. My husband began having problems with his erections about 4 years ago and the GP said it was the pills he was taking. He gave my husband 6 viagara pills. As you know with Viagara sex has to be planned and it wasn't very succesful as even on the viagra my husbands penis wasn't fully erect and he used to try to penetrate me with it, hurting me quite badly and if he was successful would ejaculate in seconds.
About 15 years ago I brought a vibrator and used to pretend that I had probs orgasaming when we had sex so we would use the vibrator and at least I orgasamed. Then my husband developed a further problem with his penis in that it bends. Again he was given some pills and we tried to have sex, but the pain was awful as he was trying to put his half erect bent penis in me while I was still quite dry. My husband has admitted in the past he is no romeo and in a way I dont mind we dont have sex I do miss being held and kissed and we could touch each other to give pleasure. But that hasnt happenned for a very long time and he actually admitted that he never thinks of sex now and never masturbates, while I masturbate 3 times a week when he is at work. If I dont I feel so edgy.
I am beginning to hate my husband, we seem to have nothing in common, we bought this house 4 years ago and even though i said several times I wasnt sure about moving here he wanted to and so we did and I loathe it here. I miss my old neighbours and hate the neighbours on one side. Sometimes I wish my husband wouldnt come home ever again, he bores me with his stories from work, I feign interest, we seem to have grown apart. The only thing keeping us together is we are expecting a grandchild in 2 weeks. I sometimes think if my husband wasnt here I could sell the bungalow and get a house, freely look on the internet for soft porn....(thats how I get a thrill and the urge to masturbate) and Id have freedom to do what I want, though i dont know what that is.
Is this how Im expected to spend the rest of my life? I'm 54 and my husband is an older 60.
I feel so depressed, please advise.
If you truely feel unhappy in your relationship then walk away.
The time when your children have grown up and left home is the time when you are supposed to be able to enjoy yourself and live your life for you.
Before you make any big decisions though talk to your husband about how miserable your are and what would make you happier. He may not realise you are feeling like this and so you can't blame him.
He may be prepared to make changes, he may not but you should talk to him first. There is more to a relationship than sex though so take everything into account before you make any big moves.
Is it just the sex that is making you want to leave or more than that? If it is then you should leave if you would be happier without him.
Now is the time to live your life for you, so think long and hard but ultimately make the decision on what will make you happiest.
In regards to staying together for your grandchild, you will still be it's grandmother wether you are with your husband or not so don't let that be an excuse to stop you being happy.
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