Shannon asks :
I'm really confused. As far as I know, I'm not gay but recently I've developed a massive crush on another girl.
I can't stop thinking about her, I feel happier when I'm around her and she makes me feel nervous and gives me the butterflies. At a party I tried to tell her how I feel but I'm not sure if I did but since then I've broke up with my boyfriend of four years (It wasn't working anyway) and me and the girl text, a lot!
I'm not sure if she likes me or is just being friendly. I know a few people like her and I think that makes her feel over whelmed.
I'm unsure though if she likes me or if she just likes the attention or if she has no idea that I like her! What should I do? I don't want to tell her how I feel in case she doesn't feel the same and things just turn out to be weird between us.
There is every chance that you could be gay - just because you haven’t always felt attracted to women, doesn’t mean you might not have changed. Give yourself time, see if you are attracted to other women, and think what you would do if this girl was to reject you.
You don’t say how old you are and I know it sounds patronising, but everyone knows that school-girl crushes on each other are a part of growing up, so if you’re still at school, consider that it might be part of working through your emotions and your hormonal changes – which can be a very confusing time.
The fact that you say you’ve had a boyfriend for four years leads me to think you’re not at school, possibly college or maybe early 20s anyway. If you weren’t happy with this boyfriend, did you consider just splitting up before you started texting a lot with this girl? Have you given yourself a chance to see who else is out there?
My advice would be to keep your mind open, keep your eyes open, don’t say anything to this girl about your feelings just yet. Give yourself a few months to see how your friendship develops naturally. Treat it as you would with a boy - if she’s interested in you in the same way, it will become obvious and you won’t have to try too hard.
It’s true that she could like the attention, don’t we all? Maybe even you are enjoying the attention. There’s certainly no harm in experimenting with your feelings for her, but if being gay would be an issue for you, then work out how you would deal with it if she did return the feelings.
So many girls wonder if they’re gay - if you’re attracted to this girl, then you’re attracted to her, full stop.
There is a difference between being attracted to other girls, being up for some experimentation, and then the other extreme, which is to want to enter in to a full-blown sexual relationship with another woman.
You might even be bi-sexual - but again, it runs deeper than just attraction; it’s about going the whole way. You’ve got to think about it like this, are you imagining yourself with her, just messing around, playing, kissing, being physical - or can you see yourself giving her oral pleasure?
It’s easy enough to think you’d be happy with receiving it, but would you be happy giving it to her? That might be the test for you - to see if you’re really gay or not. Having said that, some women don’t want to give oral pleasure to men, but if you have been happy with that with your boyfriend, then consider it.
If not, think about how comfortable you’d feel going out on dates, with other friends. And if she is gay, don’t treat her differently than you would a guy who you fancy. Can you imagine how it must be to be gay and to find yourself attracted to a girl who starts something she isn’t prepared to continue with - not because of lack of attraction but because she decides to reject you because of your gender? Tread carefully with her feelings, as well as your own.