Sally asks :
Hi Lucy,
I am 23 and have been with my boyfriend (whom I love very much and is perfect for me) for 5 and a half years, living together for 3. He is quite introverted, and I have fallen in love with a man who is 36 who I am friends with. I know my current boyfriend is right for me and I can rely on him, he is totally faithful and we depend on each other. But I can't help thinking I want to give things a go with the older guy, as I feel like I'm suppressing my feelings or will live to regret it. I don't want to hurt anyone or ruin anything, but my feelings are getting too much.
Hi Sally,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Perhaps the reason you are drawn to this man is because he is more of an extrovert. If your boyfriend is ‘perfect’ for you in every other way, then maybe you crave the one thing he is not?
Maybe you could try and work on the areas of your relationship that you feel are lacking first and see how that goes before leaving. If you left and found out that you were not right for the older man would you regret leaving your boyfriend behind?
It is tempting to think that the grass is greener when there is a part of your existing relationship that is not exactly how you would like it to be, so maybe try to establish if this is just a phase or if this is in fact what you want.
Would this other guy be faithful and reliable like your boyfriend or would he only satisfy one area of what you are looking for? Perhaps try to gauge what this guy is looking for in a partner and if he returns your feelings; thismight help you figure out if you would be compatible.
You say you have fallen for him without being in relationship with him so there could be things that you don’t know about him yet.
It seems a shame to throw away a relationship of five years that seems so right in so many ways, however if the feelings for this man don’t pass then maybe it’s an indication that you are ready to move on.
It is normal to find other people attractive once in a relationship, however if these feelings are deeper than simply admiration then maybe your time with your boyfriend has run its course.
tagged in Love boyfriend yin and yang agony aunt
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