Stressed Jess asks :
Hi Yin and Yang, I hope you can ease my worries. I am female, and have been in a relationship with my partner (also a female) for the last four years. She is wonderful to me, and we are engaged but no wedding plans as of yet. She is the first girl I have ever dated, when previously I had relationships with men only. (I guess this makes me bisexual and I have come to terms with this, along with my immediate family who are supportive). I do find however that I am not really interested in sex at the moment, in fact we rarely have sex at all. I can see that this is affecting her but I just really can't get in to it. When we are having sex, I really enjoy it, but I just can't get that build up. Last week, I was staying at my Mum's house. My mum's partner of 8 years has a son who is 20 years old (I am 23), and he also came over to stay on that weekend. We all had some drinks, and I had a few too many and ended up going to bed fairly early. I woke at 4am, and text the son who happened to also be awake. I complained of being cold, and invited him in to my room chat. We cuddled up in bed and after a little while, we ended up kissing. We are not related in any way, by blood or marriage, and it did not feel wrong to me, even though we are both aware I am in a relationship. He lives quite a distance away, and sporadically stays at my Mum's house. I know find myself developing this infatuation and am trying to plan my life around when he may actually visit next. We spoke after that night, and we have both agreed that we will just see how it goes. I am desperate for him to want me and it's killing me to think that he doesn't now. I feel awful that I am like this, as my girlfriend is so wonderful to me and I do love her, but clearly if I let this happen then there must be something wrong. I have told one friend who I can trust, but I just want to see the son more and more, and I text him (very infrequently) but when he doesn't text me back I get so low. Help me, shed some light, tell me what to do! I know what I should do.... I should forget about him as I see him as immature and I know that we would never be together, I just want a bit of fun for now though and I can't stop thinking about him. Please help!
Yin replies
It may not be him at all; it may just be the fact that a man is showing you some affection, the first one since being with your girlfriend. Perhaps you have resigned yourself to be a lesbian or a past bisexual and have not really addressed your feelings. Clearly it has nothing to do with how your partner has treated you, that has pushed you away, it sounds like a matter of confusion over your sexuality.
If you felt something that you have not felt in a long time then this could be due to the fact that it was a guy and not a girl. You need to decide if these urges are strong enough to leave your girlfriend for. He might not want a relationship if you were single, given that he lives so far way and that you find him immature. It could just be the novelty of having something with a guy again.
Yang replies
Perhaps, if you really want to make it work, try and spice things up in the bedroom with your girlfriend. Maybe that is pushing you away; the sex might have become stale. If it is sex with a man that you are missing why not try and get a strap on and see if that curbs your urges. If you have something really good going already try and make it work with your girlfriend before giving it all up as you might regret it later down the line.
tagged in Marriage Partner Relationship yin and yang kissing agony aunt
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