Suranne asks :
Stuck between two, horrible situations: Thinking about this just makes me want to cry. Basically, me and my ex split up around last October, around 5 months ago and since then we've stayed pretty close because I just found it hard to let go. He treated me like complete and utter s***.
Within the last month or so he's been telling me he's changed and he'll do anything to win me back. However for about 3 months now I've been seeing someone else, my ex does know this but not to that extent, he just knows I've got feelings for someone else and have been meeting up with him and what not.
Anyway I just feel so stuck between the two, I really, really like the new guy and I know I'd never want to get back with my ex but I can't help still feeling some attachment and want to have him in my life.
He's trying to hard and I just feel so bad on him and every time I see the new guy I feel so guilty on my ex, as if I'm doing something wrong and after I just feel so rubbish. I think its also putting strain on me and the new guy’s relationship since I feel so guilty and uncomfortable all the time
Anyway everything in my head is just so confused and messed up, I don't know what to do.
Feeling some attachment to your ex is natural. Don’t mix it up with there being a reason to stay in touch or get back with him.
If you are happy with your new boyfriend, don’t wreck things by introducing your ex and creating some love triangle. He had his chance, and obviously you feel bad that he wasn’t given a second chance - but to be fair, why would any of us want to be with someone who needs a bit of encouragement or a wake-up call to realise they have feelings for us? Leave him in the past.
Tell him it’s a pity he didn’t always feel that way but that in the end, it was probably for the best. Make him believe that although you had a great time with him, you’re happy now and you’ve moved on.
Keeping an ex in your life will be toxic and will only lead to you feeling this divided loyalties issue every day going forward. Put it to bed before it takes an even bigger hold of you.
Too little too late - that’s the annoying thing isn’t it? And it’s so common. Guys get a wake-up call and think they’re going to waltz back into their girl’s affection, only to discover they’ve taken too long.
If you really have to keep him in your life, keep him at a distance. Just tell him that - he’s too late. Make him suffer a bit, he deserves it if you had to prod him for a show of affection. Five months it has taken him? You deserve better. So does your new man.
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