Sydney asks :
I have been troubled about my feelings for quite a long time now, towards this one guy. I am 13 right now but it started when I was 12.
We live in a small town, about 700 people, and there is one school for preschool to 12th grade, and one class per grade. Everybody knows everyone, and they have known each other since they were born practically. We moved there when I was in the third grade so I was the outcast for a while.
Fast forward to 6th grade. It was towards Halloween time, and we were all at a dance. Dawson’s (the boy I am troubled over) best friend asked me is I would go out with him. I said no because I was very confused. A) He is really popular and I am not. I'm not even the prettiest girl in my class. B) I can't even date until I am 16.
Like I said before I'm 13. So I didn’t know what to do so I just said no I cant. I thought that had all blown over, but then a while after that he started to show signs that he liked me. For a long time I tried to get him to tell me, (I already knew it was me, I just wanted confirmation, and he was even asking me who I liked but I told him no one) and finally He told me it was me that he liked. So he would ask me out so many times everyday.
All the time I just kept saying no. He would write me love notes and all this stuff and it was getting in the way of my schoolwork. Then on top of that, I found out that one of Dawson’s best friends also liked me.
He never asked me out or anything and he was more of a gentleman to me. But the thing was it was tearing their friendship apart. I was still friends with both of them but it was weird between them - I guess they were jealous of each other.
Dawson never stopped asking me out, but then I started developing feelings for him, but I never went out with him. I never told him. I ended up getting home-schooled, and he eventually gave up on me, but the thing is, I still liked him, and I still do now! I never see him or anything. We occasionally text, but nothing more. I think about him lots every day.
I don’t know what’s up but I want some answers please! This is the REALLY weird part. When I was pretty little, I had this dream where I was in a room full of adults, and I was peeking around my parents’ legs.
Then a boy my age peeked around his parents’ legs and we just stared at each other. It was like the room got lighter and we were the only people there. So when I saw him that first day in school after we moved, I instantly knew it was him.
I have also had a dream where we, uh, were *cough* having sex... I never saw his face but I knew it was him. I want to tell him what is going on but I want to know what you this first. But the question is: Am I in Love?
You clearly have strong feelings for this boy, and yes, maybe you are in love, but in all honesty, that doesn’t mean you should feel you have to act on it. You can have intense feelings of love at 13, just as you can at 33 or 83. Age has no relationship to how strong feelings of love can be for someone.
The difference with you being 13 is that you’ve already identified that it has been affecting your schooling and also Dawson’s relationship with his friend. Coming between two good friends is never going to spell long-term happiness, and maybe you should think really carefully about how happy you and Dawson could really be, if he was always going to regret losing his friend because of you.
You obviously regard Dawson as being someone you were destined to meet, because of your childhood dream. That was a really vivid dream that obviously had an effect on you - but don’t read too much into it.
Don’t match the reality to the dream. By doing that, we sometimes ignore things about the real situation in order to ‘make it fit’, because we want to. Maybe you will never ever forget Dawson or get over your love for him, but you’ll be better for having experienced it. Have you heard of the old quote, 'It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all'?
If you feel that you really need to pursue this, then just be honest with him. If he rejects you, then you can just tell that it wasn’t him in the dream. If he rejects you because of his friend, you’ll have to respect that. Difficult times for you but try to do what will make you all happiest in the long run.
You’re dreaming of having sex at 13. That’s not too unusual, apparently the average age for girls in the UK at least, to lose their virginity, is 14. You’re in the States, I think, from what you describe.
You acknowledge that you can’t date until you’re 16. So, my advice - give yourself some breathing space. Spend the next 3 years exploring your feelings, your body, what you like in terms of looks, what you like in terms of personality, what you think about your parents’ relationship and those of other parents of friends, and what it is you really want once you do have a boyfriend.
Are you going to be an easy girl to get into bed? It doesn’t sound like it. Are you going to be a flirt, someone who’ll lead boys on? Are you going to go for looks or personality? Just spend some time working out what you like.
I don’t know if she’s still popular but when I was even as young as 7 or 8, all the girls in my class were reading Judy Blume books (an American teen author) and we all got ideas about relationships through those. Do you ever read her books? Just step back from this boy and think about what you want from a boy, when you’re ready to date.