Blob asks :

.

Hi Lucy,

Me and my boyfriend have been together nearly 2 years, he's 44 and I'm 20. We love each other to bits but there's a problem; I want kids and he doesn't. He already has a daughter and granddaughter, and now he's having the snip which I have had absolutely no say in. Every time I try and talk about it we end up arguing, don't know what to do anymore.

Hi Blob,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

This is a very important thing to compromise over if it’s what you want.

You may ‘love each other to bits’; however communication and negotiation are also key factors in a relationship too.

It sounds like he has not talked to you about this and made the decision alone, where this is arguably something that should be decided upon together.

If you know that you want children in future than this could be an indication that perhaps this man is not right for you- if he won’t consider what you might want in a few years’ time.

Are you happy to be a mother figure to his daughter? If you are then maybe you could continue what you have and try to make this relationship work for you, as a substitute for not being able to have your own children. Or do you want kids of your own? If so then it may be time to walk away and find someone else who has the same life goals as you do.

Love can only take you so far but common aspirations and a mutual future plan are just as valuable to make a relationship work.

 


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