Dave asks :
Dear Lucy,
It is my friends stag do, the only thing is it’s in Vegas for 5 nights and my partner does not want me to go and says she will break/finish with me if I do. I went on a stag do 2 years ago and said I would not go again but as I grew up with my friend I want to go and but feeling unsure what to do as I’ve been with my partner for 4 years and she is serious about finishing things if I do?? Look forward to receiving your unbiased view
Hi Dave,
Agony Aunts on Female First
How do you feel about her? If you love her then could you talk to your friend and tell him what she has said? He might understand if you tell him what’s at stake here.
Chances are she is nervous about what will happen on the stag do and if you will remain faithful. Perhaps you could reassure her that you want to go for your friend, that she has nothing to worry about and ask her for her trust. Stag dos are notorious for being an opportunity to stray and so it can be a very nervous time for a woman. If she thinks there could be a chance that you will cheat on her then she might have said about leaving you so she doesn’t have to worry.
You should not have to choose between your friends and your partner, there should always be a happy medium and if she is making you miss out on such an important part of your friend’s wedding plans then maybe you could explain the consequences of that for your friendship group.
If you told her that you wouldn’t go on one again then she might have resigned herself to not having to be concerned about another stag do in furfure. This has obviously gone against what you said, so it could just be the shock coupled with the length of time you will be gone for that has made it worse.
If she loves you enough then maybe she could come around to the idea of a compromise, rather than making the situation more difficult. Perhaps think of it from another point of view- if if she was asked abroad for a few nights where she would likely get approached by single men and be faced with the opportunity to cheat- would you want her to go? Or could you trust her to remain monogamous?
Lucy has worked as a volunteer for Mind and The Samaritans and was a mentor at the University of Central Lancashire in her third year. She has just completed her Level 2 Counselling Concepts Course at Warrington Collegiate.
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