Winefride asks :
I met my current partner shortly after we both split up from long term marriages and I moved away to be with him, leaving friends and family.
Since we've been together he still hasn't got divorced - there is always an excuse and I have constantly bailed him out financially.
Recently though I lent money to members of his family and of course it wasn't returned. Not only that but I acted as guarantor for his sister and surprise, surprise she defaulted and I was liable.
Now I am the bad guy here with his family blaming me for what's happened. I really don't know if I can take much more - I love him but feel I am second best. Please advise me..
You’re being taken advantage of - you’ve tried to support your partner but he’s pushing the limits of what is acceptable to you.
Even his family have taken advantage of your kind nature. You need to sit down with him first, and then confront his family together, with him on board, and address these issues.
Be clear to your partner that you haven’t left a failing marriage to get voluntarily walk in to another unhappy situation. Whether it’s his unwillingness to divorce, or the financial issues, you have to be up front and no, you shouldn’t have to take any more.
What has this guy done to deserve your love or kindness? You had a relationship, he hasn’t taken it forward or taken any steps to make you feel he’s committed.
Yet you have shown many signs of supporting him. Stop now, before he takes everything you have. You are not the bad guy here, and if he or his family suggest you are, you have every right to walk away.
You can’t carry on loving someone who’s bad for you - you’ve walked away from one bad relationship so draw strength from that and only share your love on your terms - even if that hurts.
You need to make him see that as second best, you will not be happy and cannot plan a future - and if you cannot plan a future, you cannot invest in the relationship - emotionally or financially.