Amy asks :
Hi Lucy,
I've been casually meeting this boy for the past month and a bit and recently I found out he has also been meeting up with other girls. I confronted him with this and he was honest and admitted to going other dates but says he hasn't went as far to kiss anyone else but I know the girls have been back at his house. After confronting him about this I didn't want him to know I was upset by it and he had hurt me so I told him that I wasn't bothered. It was the fact he had been lying to me about it and I told him I just didn't agree with him meeting two girls at once but now he's acting completely normal and as if nothing has happened I don't know what to do from here please help!
Our Reply
Hi Amy,
If you were seeing each other casually, then chances are he just assumed that this was acceptable. Many relationships today are open ones, so couples need to define their arrangements a lot more than they used to. Years ago it was assumed that monogamy was part of the deal when you started going out with someone but now things are different. People are more accepting of open relationships.
If he didn’t know that you wanted to be exclusive, then he might have kissed these other girls if they have been back at his house. If what you want is a relationship where you don’t see other people then you need to make this clear to him or any other man you date. Finding out this way will only hurt you so lay a few ground rules down first to protect yourself form this happening again. If you two were not exclusive he probably thinks he has done nothing wrong. It would have been courteous to tell you that there were other women on the scene but for him he has the best of both worlds.
Why not leave this one alone and look for someone else who wants the same things that you do from a relationship, or tell him that you will only go out with him if it’s you and you only. Don’t settle- if an open relationship is something that you are not comfortable with then you should really voice your concerns- as it’s not for everyone.
Lucy x
tagged in Kiss Lucy Walton Relationship yin and yang agony aunt
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