Anonymous asks :
I am man of 45 years old and recently I became close friend with a woman same age. We used to know each other for years and chat on social media, but in the last 3 months started going out together once a week as friends. Th truth is that I always nurtured feelings for her but kept them hidden. 3 weeks ago I told what I feel for her and she was taken for surprise. Something that I didnt expect cause I gave enough hints to show her that I realy cared for her. In the meantime she went for a holiday (2 weeks) ,I was devasted , I thought that she would nt want to see me again, but she reasurred me that will meet again , as friends only. Our first meeting after her holiday coincide with her birthday, and I organised a special dinner , bought her chocklates ,flowers and a pendent. She was surprised that I spoiled her that much but we enjoyed a really nice evening, when I drove her home , she kissed me twice and told me that if she was going to stay more she was going to cry, left the car, she was happy she waved away and told me she will call me the following day. The following day nothing not even a text, I started to get worried and I texted her, she texted me back saying that the prevoius night was lovely but to not stress and `baby steps`... in the meantime I was still waiting for her call that never came, everytime that I text her, she comes up with an excuse . Then on tuesday she sents me a text telling me that she doesnt want a relationship and we should be friends only. This message left me perplexed , I couldnt understand what happened, after all it was her that approched me for the kiss, I always respected her her desire to be only friends even though she knew that I had feelings for her. I didnt sleep and eat for 2 days and 2 nights, I couldnt understand what happened ,her texts were short and lifeless . Then today I couldnt take it anymore and I went to her house , I wanted to hear it from her ,but she didnt open the door , she was texting me and tell me to leave and not to make things worse. Eventually I left. I fell devastated , I waited for this woman for 5 years and when I finally I managed to get to know her better, I ruined everything. I doubt it that she will want to see me again, I left a message on her Social Media page , admitting that I was the biggest fool on the planet... I already booked flowers as a sorry for saturday, the day we usually meet up... what more I can do to get her back... I am happy to be just friends with her as long as I can see her...
Yin replies
Perhaps leave it for a while. If you are coming on too strong trying to reconnect then it might be off-putting. If your friendship was really strong, then she will miss seeing you as much as you do her and come back to you in time.
She is clearly confused about her feelings and needs to think through her actions before talking to you. This kiss was likely a test to see if she could feel anything for you in this way, perhaps she realised that she didn’t and was worried about hurting you. Perhaps there is something more at work here that she is not ready to talk about. Either way she needs a friend and if she needs someone to talk to in time then she will make contact.
Yang replies
You have made your feelings clear to her, so she is in no doubt of what you think about her, she perhaps just needs to figure out how to verbalise hers, which is why she didn’t open the door to you.
You need to refocus, during this time. Make sure you are eating and sleeping, doing things that occupy your mind so you are not fixating just on this. You need to be prepared to wait and to live life without her contact for a little while, so try to distract yourself and this will help you to heal.
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