Mia asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have been with my boyfriend for two years. He has recently got a new job and has made new friends and become quite distant from me. He is not as nice as he usually is which is making me feel down. When I ask him about it, we argue like mad and I'm not sure what to do.
Hi Mia,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It's possible that he just needs a bit of time to let everything settle down. If this is quite new to him, he will be trying to fit in with his fellow members of staff, trying to learn the new job and impress his superiors all in his first few weeks. Perhaps he is channelling all his energy into making a good first impression so he passes his probation.
The way he speaks to you could be a result of stress and uncertainty about his future until he feels he is safe in the position. It might pass.
It's possible he enjoys the social aspect but feels he has made the wrong move. Maybe you bringing it up has reinforced the point and he's trying to decide what to do next.
When you bring the issue up- it might be worth thinking about whether it's in a negative way or a positive one. If you accuse him of not spending enough time with you this may be cutting the conversation short. Could you turn it into planning something in for in the week ahead together? This might make it more future orientated and hopefully help you to move into positive territory.
Reporting a problem can make people feel defensive, however if you are willing to discuss options and possibilities this might get a better response.
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