Martha asks :

Hi Lucy, 

I've been with my partner for nearly 4 years now. We spoke about living together for some time and that sounded great but I feel like theres other stuff I want to do in life before that. He has recently got a really good paying job and I'm still studying, but as I'm getting closer to the end I don't want to tie myself down. We've had an amazing relationship I feel like he will be really let down with me, I want to be honest but I don't want to hurt him and just carry on saving for a house if thats not what I want. I'm 22 and he is 25. I feel like I'm expected to follow him by getting a good job in our home town and then buy a house. I would quite like to travel and enjoy myself but I don't know what to do. 


What should I do?

What should I do?

Hi Martha,

It sounds like you haven't spoken to him about your feelings as it seems you are guessing how he is going to react.

I would suggest talking to him about this. Buying a house is a big step and if you're not ready for it- going into it too soon could put just a much of a strain on your relationship as you leaving to go travelling.

If you want to travel, then it might be worth letting him know. The longer you wait, the more money you should be able to save so the chunkier your deposit will be, which has it's advantages too.

It is understandable that he feels ready to settle down if he has a good job and he has already got a routine in place- it might seem like a natural transition for him. It sounds like you are in a very different place.

If you reach a place where you feel resentful that your relationship has prevented you from doing something you want to, then it could turn things sour. Perhaps you need to come up with a plan together whereby you can both have what you want and put some dates in place so you have something to look forward to.

It may halt the plans he has in his mind for now, however it could work if you make a commitment to one another and have something in place for the future.

If your relationship has been good so far then perhaps he already has an inkling that this is what you want. He may support your choice to travel- all will become clean once you talk to him, then you can start and decide what to do next.

Couples survive long distance relationships all the time- it's just if you are both prepared to be in one or not. If he isn't then perhaps you going to university and him getting a job has shown you to be two very different people who perhaps don't want the same things anymore.

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