Emma asks :
Hi Lucy,
Me and my partner broke up around this time last year. It was his choice and I was completely broken hearted. We had a lot of trouble in the months before the break up with him getting too close to other girls and hurting me yet I still wanted to work on it.
We broke up for 4 months and in that time he slept with two other people including one of the girls I was uncomfortable about when we were together.
However after the 4 months he came back to me and made an effort, he apologised for everything. I do truly believe he realised how awful his own actions were and he was and is truly sorry.
We got back together but ever since I've had trouble getting over the things he did and how he hurt me yet I love him so much I've stayed with him.
It's gotten to the point of the year where everything bad started to happen a year ago though and I'm realising that even though it's been 6 months since we got back together I cannot forget what he did and I'm still hurt and angry about it.
Part of me says I should leave him as I have been hurt too badly by him and will never be able to be truly happy with him and another part of me loves him so much that I want to stay and work things out. What should I do? Should I break it off and look for happiness elsewhere or should I keep trying to work on the relationship and stay with him because we're in love? Can a relationship be saved based on love alone? Please help Thank You Emma
Hi Emma,
Agony Aunts on Female First
A relationship has to have trust as well as love in order to function, if you don't have trust you will always struggle to be happy. It seems that this might be your issue here.
It sounds like you haven't talked to him about how you still feel even six months later; perhaps you should ask him to sit down with you and talk about all of these feelings. There is nothing he can do to undo the past, however, he can do something about the way he is in the future.
If he wants to prove to you how sorry he is then it's about supporting his words with actions. Words are easy but following them up with proof is what matters.
If you feel that you're struggling to bring up the subject with him, then perhaps some relationship counselling would help your communicate better about your break up and the residual feelings it's left you with.
Is it definitely love you're feeling? Sometimes this can get confused with a strong fear of being alone. Perhaps the habit of being in a relationship or the comfort of having someone brings is a constant you are frightened to let go of? It might be worth taking a closer look at your motivations for being with him and figure out if it is love or if it is more about avoidance.
tagged in Partner Relationship
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